[ [ Randomess Book 4.0 ] ] 🍉

ಠ_ಠ

I had a bad day

Lemme explain.
In a list

*Some kids were throwing erasers and my gym shoes at me
*I cried a lot today just because I felt very lonely
*And im being tortured by people just because I used to wear cat ears

Ya, I was fucking bullied today.
I am mad, yes.
Sad, yes.
But disappointed? Somewhat no.

I keep trying to speak up, trying to break out of my shell. But my mind is saying no. I always keep telling myself that nothing is gonna get better.
The kids are to blame for my sadness
Im not upset about my weight
Im not upset about my appearance
Any of the outside stuff, no. Im not worried about those
But my self esteem, yes. I am worried about it
I keep trying to bring myself up but people just bring me down.

Im trying not to cry right now. Im on the bus, trying to clog out the noises of the world.
And uh, I have to apologize for sonething
Im sorry for that last vent, well, if you even saw it.
I know I am not good at making friends, Im not shy, but aggresive. And, I get that. I may also be a bit stupid and childish, but.
Why am I looking for more friends anyway, its better to have 1 close friend then to have a lot of distant ones.
Im sorry, I was ot of my mind when I made that conversation
I will continue the randomess.
But thats not the point
I dont want anyone to worry about me, I can handle myself on my own. And Im not saying I dont need help, Im just saying that sometimes we would like to figure stuff out on our own.
So, I am trying.
I am trying to break out of my shell
I am trying to get more.. Out there
And I am sorry if I scare anyone

So.. Uh...
Bye, love you..