My Little Diary

I am in fact still alive..

Hello! It's been a while since my last update, so I wanted to say that yes, I am still alive. 

You remember the chapter where I told you guys I had a caregiver? Yeah? No? Well. That's over now and I'm just gonna vent about it a bit. 

My CG (let's call him Pat) got into a fight with his other little, who I thought of as my brother. Let's call that other little Brother for simplicity's sake. So, Brother got into a fight with Pat and it started kind of jokingly, but didn't stay that way. Brother was mad and feeling argumentative, and took it out on Pat, who retaliated since Brother was out of little space and not fragile. It escalated over the next few hours and I ended up being dragged into things. They both demanded I take their side, and the pressure and anger from both sides made me slip. I didn't tell them that they'd essentially scared me into headspace so they thought I was just being stubborn and got mad at me. Pat figured it out first and tried to calm things down for my sake but Brother didn't want to. He was on a roll and refused to stop, and Pat threatened to leave. Brother assumed that he was joking and told him to go, then, and..

and he did. He left. Without giving either of us a way to contact him. And Brother blamed me for not taking a side and helping one or the other win the argument. So I cut myself off from him (temporarily- I saved him in my contacts), too, which sucked but seemed necessary at the time. I thought it would give him time to cool off and be reasonable. That backfired. so... yeah... he's gone now. As in gone gone. Forever. I guess what I'm saying is I haven't updates for a while because of all of this and also haven't been able to regress since a few days after the "Cat" update which is when all that happened. So now I have to deal with no caregiver, no playmates, parents who hate little space, and my depression and anxiety are resurfacing with a vengeance since I haven't been able to de-stress using my headspace.      

I will be fine, I just wanted to let you know that a lot of things are going on and I will update again as soon as I'm in a slightly better place.