NCIS One-shots

A Hundred Times

A/N- takes place the night Ellie went home in 17x14.

I was pissed. At Vance. At Gibbs. At myself. At Xavier. In a way, I was even mad at Nick. Why the hell didn't he just jump out of the way. He didn't have to push me. I'd have jumped, too. Now he's in a surgery and a coma and Vance is letting our suspect get away. I didn't want to go home, but I didn't want to go to the office.
For a moment, I really considered driving to that hotel. I had said I'd kill him, but I wanted to be there for Nick when he woke up. I'm sure I'd clean up my mess, but Tim knew and I didn't want to risk it. I trust him, but he'd be asked about it at some point.
So I resorted to the next best thing.
I played it out in my head a hundred times.
What were my options?
Where would I strike?
What evidence could I possibly leave?
How would I do it?
I could shoot him. I'd have to pick up my casings and my bullet. I'd have to sneak up on him. I'd have to make it a through-and-through shot so there wouldn't be ballistics. I'd wear gloves so there would be no finger prints. I'll have to find out if there's any security cameras throughout the building. I'm sure they're everywhere.
Wear my NCIS uniform?
No. If anyone saw it, they'd know I was lying, which could dig my hole even deeper.
What else?
I kept asking myself the question of what my other options were.
I could suffocate him. Make him suffer the way Nick did. Gloves, again. A hotel room is riddled with pillows. I'd have to wear long sleeves and pants. But if he got anything under his nails, it'll trace back here. I could clean under them, get the fibers out and dispose of them.
I'd have to find a way to get him close enough to the bed. I could dress up, make myself look nice. I hate doing it, but Nick's life is on the line now because of him. I'd do that to get revenge. Thin heels, a bodycon black dress. Pull my hair up, curl it. Put on some makeup to pull it together. Just enough for him to want me. I'd lure him in and then I'd do it.
I continuously ran each situation through my head, considering every unknown that could be thrown in. What if this, what if that, when, where, how, how to get away, how I'd cover my tracks.
I wanted to make him feel the pain Nick feels, the pain I feel because of his stupidity.
He needed to hurt, and to hurt bad. I needed to make him feel pain.
I kept thinking it over, knowing I couldn't do it but wanting to so damn bad. I'd do it in a heartbeat if Nick doesn't pull through. I know he will. If he doesn't, i don't know what I'll do with myself anymore. All I know is that Xavier needs to feel pain.

A/N- super short, I know, but I had to get my thoughts out. Thank you for reading this! 🤙🏻❤️✌🏻