My Mind's Eye

Outside- 21/11/2014

Being on the outside, a feeling I'm pretty sure that everyone has felt in their lifetime. If not it's something that you're only bound to experience.

For me, it's something that I'm currently experiencing. With a group of 'supposed' friends. Some may say that it was my fault, that I isolated myself and that I got myself here because of the choices that were made. But, I think differently because I know the truth.

My best friend, a guy I hold in the highest honour and regard seems to be letting me down at every turn and it's down to me to pick up the pieces. The question I've been asking myself lately is, 'When do I finally let down my guard and walk away?'

You see, he's being buddying up and becoming closer to a girl in my group (Just purely friendship). Of course I'm feeling a sense of jealousy because he's my best friend, or more a brother. I know now that the feeling is unrequited as he's responsible for the jealousy that has been caused. How blindsided I was to what was going on is still beyond me.

So, to get out of the outside and onto the inside sometimes you have to stop looking at the window at everyone else and either walk away or get yourself in. Maybe my role in that group is to be the outsider, but furthermore I must walk away.

I hate the thought of what will happen next, and that thought scares me a little. I'm scared if I walk away, but to be honest I'm more scared of holding onto a group of people whose feelings for me don't run that deep. So, maybe I might walk away. Make the harder choice, because I know deep down that it'll be better in the long run. What comes good, does happen easily after all.