My Mind's Eye

The Truth about Lying - 11/1/2015

Lying to me, as bad as it is… I don't think is bad and I can see why people would always use it. The reason for this is because, I am a liar. And in being one I do understand the struggle to be true to yourself and to those around you once you engage in this terrible habit.

For one, I've grown used to it. For as long as I can remember I have used lying for my entire existence. It's only gotten worse over time and even though I have been caught out on numerous occasions, I still have not yet fully learned my lesson. Unfortunately, this habit has developed and has only gotten worse with time.

I'm a bad person for lying, because I don't feel bad about it. I feel bad, that I don't feel bad about lying. But, my conscience never eats up at me for lying… because I no longer think that I have one.

I'm living a lie everyday, because I'm gay and I haven't told my parents, I have lied to them about my sexuality. My Mum has even queried me on this and yet, even though I've had the chance to come clean, I haven't. I am proud to say it on here and I am proud to say it to my friends. Unfortunately, I don't think that I will ever tell them the truth.

Even lying about something as little as to seeing a movie to something major such as breaking something valuable to someone else, I lie about it. Or I don't tell them the full truth. Which, yes is still lying. When people say, 'that the truth will always come out' it doesn't in my case. My lies are never questioned, and the truth is always buried. I always convince myself before I lie, that what I'm telling is the truth and that's why it sounds genuine. I don't blame people for losing trust in me, because I lost trust in myself ages ago.

I've also been in love with a guy for years now and this is a primal example of how lying has and will destroy me. My feelings for this guy, have only intensified over time and he has no clue about any of it. I can be so open about this to my friends, but to him or anyone close to him I can't. The way I've gone about getting over him has been wrong as I've denied my feelings time and time again. I am lying to him, because I have not expressed my feelings to him and unfortunately it may be my only way of getting over him. The truth, is definitely not my friend.

I'm not sure whether liars can fully change, because once a person is exposed for lying… whatever comes out of their mouth will always be questioned. Everybody is a liar in a sense, but there are some that are way worse than others.  I am definitely one of those people and I'm not sure if I'll ever change.

Lying is my worst habit, but I think writing my entry/ies has shown me that I can admit the truth and that I'm taking the right steps into resolving this issue. But, just remember everything I write on here… is 100% true.