i'm sorry || Poems

i'm still here

"it gets better" they say,

well what if it doesn't?

i'm fighting myself,

my own worst enemy

i'm aching, 

this pain still growing

growing inside of me

every waking day a nightmare

every sleep is one I hope I won't leave

what's the point?

I find myself in this endless cycle

a cycle of self destruction

don't try saving me

i'm just being selfish

i can't help it

this is me

a worthless, helpless, nobody

i crave a sweet release from my life

but i cower at the thought of death

i just want attention, i know it

i don't deserve your love,

your trust, 

i don't deserve you...

fast forward 6 months

as I sit here in bed

this room once cold

feels a bit brighter everyday

i hated life

i'd be lying if i said i loved it now

but i hate it less.

it sounds sad i know, but hear me out.

6 months ago i was an inch away from death

ready to jump out my window any second

bottles of chemicals at the ready,

rusted scissors sitting pretty

but i'm still here

it's been a journey

but i can still breathe

i know it gets better

it seems tough now

but the world will never stop spinning,

as much as i'd like it to sometimes.

i love you

i don't know you, 

but i want you to know that i care 

if no one will listen to you, i will

i'm sorry that you've felt this pain

but please,

just know, 

i'm still here.