I Burn Everything

Chapter 9: Forrest Clearing

It's taken some time for me to get over Lily's absence, but I finally feel like I'm getting back into the groove of things. Phoenix's mostly the reason behind that getting me to come back out of the hiding place I was in. I find myself heavily relying on him to help me fill the void Lily left and finally get out of this place. We have a weird relationship; I know that I care deeply about him but nothing else. I feel like I rely on him like an older brother, but I don't want to say that. I know I love him but not how or how far it goes. It's a complicated thing for me.

When I first went back to the group therapy sessions, I felt like everyone was staring at me. They were all treating me differently. They gave me space and only asked me questions that they thought wouldn't bother me. It was like I was the new person all over again. I felt alienated when I've come to know these people decently.

"Hey Fallen, you good? You kinda zoned out a bit there," Phoenix says nudging me in the arm.

"Huh. Yeah, I probably did," I mumble rubbing my eyes and then looking around the room. "Where is everyone at?"

"One of the nurses came in and said that some people are here to fix the vents, so they're letting everyone go outside for free time early," he explains pulling me up from my chair. "They're waiting on us to leave so they can start." I look over and see some guys with ladders and a toolbox waiting by the fireplace.

"I didn't even see them," I tell Phoenix as we walk outside. "I feel like my brain has been fuzzy lately."

"I'm not surprised. I mean they did change your medicine because they were worried about you."

"I get that they thought I was depressed because like I was for a bit, but I'm fine now. They could've just switched me back now that I'm better because I feel like I'm sluggish now," I explain to him. "I feel like I'm not my normal self anymore."

"That's a normal feeling whenever you switch medicines. When I was in the hospital after I... well you were there when I was. It was that time I set fire to a hotel room." I look over at him. He's never trailed off on a thought before. It's strange, but I can't think about much anyway right now. "Any type of medicine you take is going to have an effect on you even if you don't notice it. That's just how it is. All you can do is keep switching medicine until you find one that makes you feel the most normal. It sucks, but that's life. Nothing can be done about it."

"Damn, that's deep," I say, "It's like you were possessed by a wise old man for a second." Phoenix can't help but crack a grin at that.

"People say that a lot about me. I'm only like that because I've been through a good bit in the life I've led so far. If I'm a wise old man now, I wonder how I'll be when I actually get to that age."

"Maybe you'll be double as wise or you might just revert back to being an immature person."

"We'll just have to see then I guess," Phoenix says. He suddenly stops in front of me causing me to run into the back of him. He leans down to whisper in my ear. "Kelly is coming your way. She's gonna try to put you in a group activity." I look up and watch Kelly separate herself from all the other nurses and start making her way over.

"I don't have the energy to deal with her peppiness this early in the morning," I mumble to him rolling my head back and rub my hand over my face. "And I definitely don't have it in me to pretend to be nice to her or others either."

"Let's go before she gets here then," he says grabbing onto my hand and pulling me with him towards the other end of the yard.

"Slow down Phoenix!" I yell out. "I can't run as fast as you!"

"Then I'll just have to pick you up then." Phoenix grabs onto my waist and throws me over his shoulder like I'm a sack of potatoes. I didn't want to run in the first place because I'd figured we'd get in trouble, and honestly, I don't want to deal with the backlash from this. Besides, we could have easily just talked to Kelly and came up with some excuse like that I had a headache or something.