I Burn Everything

Chapter 11: Forest Fire

[T/W:  mention of suicide and dying; I'm sorry if this triggers you, but this is important to the plot of the book and has always been planned since the first draft of the book; another trigger warning will be included once we get to that part; if you want to skip over this chapter, that is fine and please message me for the summary of this chapter]

"Fallen, I'm glad that you decided to come see me," Dr. Bruce says gesturing for me to sit down.

"Well when you asked for me to come see you out of my normal time, I figured it was something important," I say taking a seat.  I fold my hands neatly in my lap, but my legs start to jitter.

"There's nothing to be nervous about," he says, taking notice.  "You're not in trouble if that's what you're worried about.  There would be way more people than just me in here if that was the case."

"Why did you want to see me then?"  Internally, I was grateful because I thought he'd somehow found out about us sneaking out the other night or found the matches I had lost.  I was still looking for them, but couldn't find them anywhere.  It was worrying to me and making me feel on edge more so than usual because who else besides me and Phoenix would they think they belong to?  I don't want either of us to get in trouble.  I had asked both Phoenix and Reece about it, but they said they didn't see them either.  Phoenix even told me it would be best to just forget about them, but I don't think it's that easy.

"I wanted to talk with you about your progress."

"What about my progress?"

"No need to get defensive," he says.  He reaches into his desk and pulls out a file.  I look closely at it and see that it has my name on it.  "We're actually here to discuss some positives regarding your stay here."

"Oh?"

"You've exceeded our expectations and goals set for you even with your setback.  We had been worried that it was going to undo all the progress you made, but you were able to get back on your feet.  I do suppose we owe Phoenix a thank you for that one."  I feel my cheeks heat up, and I look down.  "It's nothing to be ashamed about.  I know how lonely it can get in here at times, and I'm sure having him here makes it all a bit easier especially since he's in the same boat of you.  It gives you someone else to bring your worries to if you aren't comfortable discussing it with us."

"Yeah I guess you could say that," I mumble out, picking at the thread of my sweater.  I'm sure if Dr. Bruce knew just how complicated things with Phoenix were getting to be he would say differently.  Maybe he would see me differently?  I know we wouldn't be having this conversation if he knew I had a breakdown and that I was this close to starting something I couldn't stop.

"Look Fallen, I know being here hasn't been easy on you."  I look back up at him.  "You were taken out of your isolation and the only place you'd ever been to be thrust into an unfamiliar place with people you don't know.  It can be jarring for some people to put up with, and I feel like you're put up a brave face some of the time.  Meeting up with Phoenix here was just a coincidence and perhaps a lucky one for you, and making friends with Lily is no small task.  Hell in the time I've known you here, you've hated Reece, yet you're making an effort with him.  It takes guts to come out of you shell and even more to make nice with people you don't like, and kid, I couldn't be more proud of you."

I feel my eyes water with tears at his kind words.  "I don't think anyone's ever said that to me.  All I've done in life is continue to disappoint my friends and family and nothing's ever changed.  I thought I was okay once until I set fire t the forest and paralyzed my sister.  To be honest, for the longest time, I didn't think there was no coming back from that, that this would be my rock bottom I can't climb out of.  I feel like being here has given me some sliver of hope back that I can climb out."