Title//Reddie

Part 10. Tuesday July 29th.

Richie stormed off from Bev and headed back to Bills, however the door was locked and no one was home to open it. He headed to the park with teary eyes and sat on the bench opposite the Paul Bunyan statue. Unbeknownst to the fact that Eddie was already at the park, having avoided Henry.
"Richie?" Eddie thought out loud. He was standing on the other side of the Paul Bunyan statue, panting and wheezing after running away from Henry and Patrick. He rummaged through his fanny pack until he felt the familiar grasp of his inhaler. He quickly raised it to his lips and gave himself three puffs "oh that's better".
He squinted across the park, wanting to make sure. The Hawaiian patterned shirt and enormous glasses made the Trashmouth recognizable to Eddie. He started to walk over, this was unusual. Richie almost never came to the park. Last time he went was when Jake.... you know.
  Richie sat on the bench, contemplating everything Bev had taught him to be proud for. What's the point of pride month if it's treated like dirt. Plus, what do gays have to be proud of anyway? We like the same gender, that's more something to be ashamed of. Richie had tried to hold back on his thoughts since Eddie came out, he wanted Eddie to have a safe space. But it's what he had been taught his entire life, it was hard to just act like he never believed it(although, to this day, he still did). Sometimes even Eddie couldn't change his views.
"Eddie?" Richie said, noticing the short boy walking towards him. He quickly wiped his eyes and moved over so Eddie could sit down.
"Hey Rich. What's wrong?" Eddie asked, immediately knowing all the signs that Richie was sad. Richie was a very private person. He never wanted people to know when he was sad. But Eddie wanted to help him when he was feeling down, so Eddie found out all little things he does when he's sad.
Eddie noticed that he always wipes his eyes when he's sad, even if he's not crying. Check.
He also always fidgets with his shirt, buttoning and unbuttoning it over again. Check.
He has a way of finding anywhere to look at besides your face. Check.
The hardest one to notice, that took Eddie a week before he saw. Was that he would always smile when other people came, but the simple smile looked like it pained his entire face. Check.
He was good at hiding his emotions, but that's not what Eddie wanted him to do. He wanted him to share, all of it.
"What? Nothings wrong Spaghetti" Richie lied, flashing a pained smile.
"I'm not Einstein, but I'm not a dumbass. You can talk to me Rich." Eddie reassured.
Richie melted into Eddies soft voice. He always made Richie feel more calm and open than he should.
"Fine." Said Richie "Beverly keeps getting into my personal life. And my parents kicked me out, which has been hard" his parents hadn't kicked him out per se, but it was easier to say than he ran away to avoid conversion therapy.
"Don't worry about that, it's what Beverly does. And Richie I'm so sorry about your parents. Why did they kick you out?" Eddie said, trying to be as sweet as possible. He felt bad about being invasive, one sign that Richie didn't want to answer it and Eddie was done.
  "They kicked me out... for being gay" Richie(more or less) admitted.
  "....are you?" Eddie finally said after a moment of stunned silence.
"No!" Richie exclaimed "I'm not a fucking f*g"
  "Well if you're not, then you shouldn't use that word" Eddie told him.
"Why not? People like that deserve it. They're disgusting. Boys aren't supposed to like other boys, it's not natural" Richie word vomited. He immediately hated himself. A out of the closet gay boy was sitting right next to him, and he just called him unnatural. He did think it was unnatural, but Eddie deserved better. Eddie deserved happy supportive friends that aren't too caught up in their own shit to realize he needs love and pride.  He didn't want his own internalized homophobia to be the reason Eddie didn't love himself.
  "Richie...." Eddie said, close to tears. He almost thought he liked this boy, but his words ruined the thought. Every memory of Richie in his head got poisoned with his homophobic bigotry.
  "Eddie- I'm so sorry I didn't mean it. Please forgive me" Richie begged, hoping Eddie would let it slide. But deep down, he knew he wouldn't. Even Richie could tell that what he said was not okay.
"Richie, don't." Eddie stopped him "You are rather internalizing homophobia or you're just a dickhead. So learn to like me for who I am, or learn to like yourself. Whichever one it is. But until you do one or the other, I can't speak to you. I will not be apart of your homophobic bullshit. " Eddie stormed away.
  Richie stayed on the bench, he felt a million pounds heavier. Like the weight of the world was dropped on his shoulder as Eddie walked away. He, rightfully, blamed himself. Eddie escaped a homophobic dickhead, just to run right into another one. Eddie had just come out, it would have felt impossible to him. His only comfort would have been the losers supportive words. And Richie just threw his comfort and support right out the window. He had to leave the park, it felt tainted now. The ground that so long ago had been watered with Richies tears, now felt wet with Eddies.
  He started to walk back to Bills, hoping someone would be home.
   The whole walk he just thought about the horrible thing he did.  Richie made Eddie cry. Richie made Eddie cry. He had never felt as bad as he did right now. How could he make such a beautiful boy cry. He felt like the devil. Actually, at the moment, he liked the devil more.
As soon as he knocked on The Denbroughs house, Bill pulled it open.
"Hey R-R-R-Richie. W-why are you cr-crying?" Bill asked.
Richie just pushed right past him and headed to the guest room where he had been staying.
He flopped down on the soft bed, springs squeaking slightly under his weight.
I bet Eddie hates me now. Richie thought. It was a very possible and realistic thought. Richie had said some horrible, horrible things. If he was Eddie, he would hate himself. And he did.

//
Sorry that chapter was kinda dark.
hey guys. Just wanted to say, even though I'm writing Richie with a lot of internalized homophobia and him thinking all these bad things about gay people. I just want to make sure you guys know I don't think like that, all lgbtq+ people are welcome on my account and I want you all to feel loved and supported ^.^