Suicide Note

Chapter 1: The Start

Adam's POV

   I wake up like any other day. Part of me wants to sleep and never wake up. I walk over to the kitchen, pour a bowl of cereal, and silently hope it was poisoned and I would die right after one bite.
   Yes. I have depression. It's not the first time. I've had fazes where I would be sad and stuff but this was different. I never hoped for death in every scenario that played out in my life. I even once hoped that my best friend was a serial killer and that he would end my misery.
   Horrible I know. But, I never had anything this serious. Sure, I cut myself in the past but that was only on my worst days. This was completely different. Everyday, I would crave to have a blade engrave a red line across my arm.
   While that was going through my head for the millionth time, I tried thinking of what groceries I needed. I shouldn't get any at all its not like I deserve them. Might as well starve to death. Jaiden had anorexia but she got over it. When I saw her video discussing it, I couldn't help but feel guilty. She shouldn't have been struggling with that at all. I'm the one who should be starving.
   I hear my phone buzz and pick it up. It was a text from James. My mind started racing but I'll spare you the details.

Jameson: can i come over? im bored

Adam: sure. What time?

Jameson: ok. im coming over right now. cya in five

Adam: alright

  I turned on the tv when I heard the doorbell ring. I walked over to the door and put on a fake smile before opening the door.
   "Hey James!" Shit. Was that too enthusiastic? "Hi Adam." Huh. Guess not. "Come in. What do you wanna do?" "I dunno I guess I just wanted to come here."
   I sigh. "Well I was going to go get some groceries..." "Oh. Well I'll come." "Ok. Are you gonna drive?" "I don't mind." I nod and grab my keys and my phone.
   We walk to my car and get in. James was in the passenger seat and I was in the driver's seat. We talked about random things like our videos and YouTube drama. Stuff like that.
   When we get to the grocery store, I attempt to get out when James pulls me back into the car. He looks at me with a serious look on his face.
   "James...?" "Are you okay? You haven't been acting like yourself recently..." I stiffen up. "W-what are you t-talking about? I-I'm fine." I say with a nervous tone. "You sure? Because the last time I checked your grocery list always had chocolate on it."
   I chuckle on the outside but on the inside I was having a heart attack. "Wow. You caught me. Eheheh." He giggled too and got out of the car.

~time skip~

   Going to the store with Jameson was what I needed. For some reason, I would feel a lot better when James was with me. Guess he's just a hella good friend.
   We arrived at my house and when I looked to my right, I saw a sleeping James. It was only 5:30 but I guess our shopping trip tired him out. I poked him and shook his shoulder but he didn't wake up. After a few more rough shakes, he opened his eyes slightly.
   "Jameson. We're at my house." I say softly "Five more minutes..." he said before going unconscious again. I chuckled and sighed at his childishness. I got out and went to the passenger side and opened the door, then unbuckling his seatbelt.
   I carried him (bridal style if you would) into my house. After struggling to get the door opened, I laid him on my Ikea couch. He looked very comfortable. He always told me that my couch was nice and soft.
   James was always a very happy person. As a result, he made many friends and had people that admired him. Unlike me. I'm the complete opposite of him. I was always a sad person that has fame I don't deserve.
   James was always better than all the animators. He has the most subscribers out of all of us. I admired him. That's why I became an animator myself. I thought I wouldn't get many fans because I mostly never put any effort into my videos. But here they are, asking for shoutouts and collabs. I can't even tell if they're being genuine anymore.
   James handles fame a lot better than I ever could. "ADAM!" "What?" "I've tried calling your name for a while now but you were staring into space." "Oh. S-sorry." I smile and scratch the back of my neck. "Did you bring in the food? I'm hungry." "Shoot. I'll be right back." I rush out of the house to my car, ignoring the concerned glance I get from James as I walk out the door. 
   I bring in all the bags in one trip cuz who wants to make two trips? I set them on the table and ask James what he wants to eat. "I want some stir fry." he says. "Okay. It'll be a while so you can put on something to watch."
   James nods as he looks at my shelf that displays all my movies. He picks one my anime disks "Given". I would have been fine with it- but I soon remembered what it was about. (btw. If you didn't watch Given and you're also reading this... Go watch it. I promise it would be the best decision of you're life)
   I quickly snatched the disk from his grasp. "Adam!" "Sorry but can you pick something else?" I say as I feel myself blush out of embarrassment. "Fine." Then he chose "The Promised Neverland". (Again, go watch it)
   I cried the first time I watched it. The show was so good and it had a very good plot. It was just a nice anime in general. Too good.

~time skip~

   James was halfway through the anime when I finished making dinner. "Foods ready!" "sniff o-okay." When James came to the table he had tears in his eyes. "Did it get to you?" "yeah sniff its a sad anime."
   I chuckled and ate my food. "Wow this is so good! How do you cook so well?" I smile at the fact that James likes my food. "I dunno. I guess I just like cooking? Its calming and its one of the things I like to do when I'm stressed." "Wow. I can't even heat up some pancakes without burning them."
   I started to laugh. "You're not supposed to heat up pancakes." I say in between laughs. "Shut up. Like I said, I don't know how to cook."
   We laugh as we joke around. The night went on as fast as a blink of an eye. Before I knew it James had to leave. Before he walked out I had a thought. "I completely forgot about my sadness... What the heck James. What did you do to make me forget?"
   I waved him goodbye as he walked out the door.
  I got the craving again. The blade. My skin. Some blood. I go to the bathroom and grab my knife. My depressing thoughts get the best of me when my conscience said this wasn't right.
   With the power of depression and sadness by my side, I found myself in a pool of blood. The knife was the most bloody, being the one that caused it.
   I can't take it anymore. I have to deal with this one way of another. Option 1: I continue with my horrible life until the world kills me or I work myself to death, or Option 2; end my misery myself.
   Of course I go with the second option. Before I do it i decide to write a note to be the last thing that I ever put effort in. It was going to be a long note so it'll probably take a few days before it's done. As I write more ideas come into my head, writing them down as I go. Almost every last person that played a role in my life was mentioned. But there was still more to go. A lot more
   It's Sunday so I could finish this my Saturday. That's my deadline. Saturday. My last day to live. I hope I spend this week to the fullest....