Suicide Note

Chapter 3: Whaddya Doing?

Adam's POV

   We are now making cookies. Jaiden insisted. I don't know why. They don't even know how to cook! And it was also like 11:00. Jameson was mixing the batter all sloppily.
   After a few moments of struggling, I walked up behind him. "You seem to be struggling. Let me help you~" Is it just me or did my voice go deeper? He flinched and his face went a deep red.
   "No it's okay Adam-" Before he could stop me, I wrapped my hand around his waist and the other on his hand that was holding the spoon. He got tensed up by my sudden hug. He was wrapped up in my chest. I began moving the spoon and mixing the soon-to-be cookies.
   I saw Jaiden in the corner of my eye. She stared in shock. I smirked at her and then turned back to the task at hand. James snuggled into my chest. My front was pushed against his rear.
   My mind went to the gutter. When I realized where my mind had wondered, I let go of James and quickly went over to the table to cover the pan with baking sheets. Did I drink something? I think I'm just tired is all.
   When James is done mixing, we shape them into proper shapes that a cookie should have. We speak nothing as to what just happened. Jaiden puts the cookie pan into the oven and sets a timer for 30 minutes.
   While we wait, James puts on a movie. This time, we're watching a marvel movie. James knows I love the marvel franchise more than anything. He even comforted me when I first heard Stan Lee had died. I was really messed up that week...

~a few months ago~

   It was a normal day. I took a break from animating and went to check my phone then almost everyone texted me. They would ask "Are you okay?" or "Did you hear what happened?"
   Of course I asked Google what the news report was (Apple users calm down) and she gave me a news article on the creater of Marvel. Stan Lee.
   It said he had died. I saw my vision get a little foggy. He died? No. How? Why? What? His speeches were so inspiring to me and his movies were one of my only happinesses. And now he was gone?
My mind was about to go into insanity when a message from James pinged on my phone.

Jameson: hey
Do you want me to come over? I know how much you love Marvel.

   I was shocked that James knew me so well to the point where he knew I would be upset. He's such a good friend.

Adam: yeah sure

~back to present~

   That day he came over and we sat at my couch and ate ice cream. We were binge watching Yu-Gi-Oh (James's choice) and we had a chill time talking and stuff.
   It's strange. I say that every time I think about our relationship. He's a good friend. That's why he's one of my best friends. Or maybe he could be more... Wait, what the frick?
   I've never thought that way about him. I've never even considered holding hands with him as an odd thing. Haha odd. Come to think of it, he would sometimes hold my hand. It'd be kinda weird but I didn't mind it all that much.
   "Adam are you okay? You've been spacing out for the last few minutes." James said. "Yeah. Is someone on your mind?" Jaiden cut in as my face warmed up. She wasn't wrong. I was thinking about James.
   "Y-yeah I'm fine but I'm not thinking about anyone. I guess I've just been confused about my feelings toward someone." James looked curious. "Who?"
I smiled and said "It's a secret." I'm not telling them about who it is I'm probably falling in love with. Not when I'm going to tell James that I'm questioning my sexuality because of, most likely, wrong signals about him and I.
   James shrugs. "I'm tired. Wanna go to sleep?" I nod and yawn almost on cue. Jaiden gets up and shuts off the TV. She looks at the now empty cookie tray. I guess Jaiden took out the cookies while I was spacing out.
   "Where did all the cookies go? James?" He looks guilty. I haven't even had a cookie. Thanks a lot James. I'll get you for this.
"Alright I'll be in my room and you guys can sleep in here. Sleep anywhere you want and wake me up if you need anything." "Okay" Jaiden and I say in unison.

~time skip~

   I can't sleep. I dunno why. My body just isn't tired I guess. I sit up and look at the time on the wall clock. It read 1:00am. I got up and went to James's room. He was also awake and scrolling through his phone.
He looked up and smiled. I smiled back.
   "Can't sleep?" he asked. "Yeah. I dunno why." "You can sleep in here if you want." He then moved off the bed, signaling at me to lay down on it. I shook my head. "It's fine. We can sleep next to each other."
    I think he blushed...? I can't see. Its really dark in here. He nods and climbs back into bed. I lay down beside him. His back is facing me. After a few minutes, I finally fall asleep.

Jaiden's POV

   It was 1:00am when I heard movements. It was Adam. He went down the hall to James's room. "I wonder what he's doing." For some weird reason, when Adam helped James with mixing to cookie batter, I got a little jealous.
   Yeah, I had a thing for James but that was in the past. I swear. I guess those feelings never died down as much as I hoped. Now I think my love for James has grown stronger but why does it have to be when he now likes Adam? It's all so confusing.
   I walk down the hall to James's room and see Adam sleeping beside him. Something went off inside me. James had his arms wrapped around Adam. It made me fill up with rage that I never knew I had. I stomped back to the living room and went back to my sleeping bag.
   I laid awake for I don't know how long. It felt like an eternity until I finally found rest. My dream made me want to puke. It was James and Adam. They were holding hands and flirting. Then it transitioned to a restaurant where they shared spaghetti Lady and the Tramp style.
   My eyes flew open and I sat up. No. James. I want him. I need him. This is bad. I know he loves Adam but I can't help it. I want him to love me. Just Jaiden. Not Adam. Just me. I know he wants me, too. He just doesn't know it yet. But he will. Eventually.