There are things I like to do in the shower
Which I prefer to carry out completely unobserved
Free of any possible accusatory glower
Making sure my image of unassailable purity is preserved
Thing is, I'm one of those secret shower singers
I vocally revel in the amplifying reverberation
In the downpour, I'm an unrepentant lyrics slinger
Fantasizing the spotlight in my splendid isolation
My voice is untrained and generally uncritiqued
But there's a significant exception to that latter qualifier
The wife often urges me to be less songfully discrete
Says my offerings are more music than awkward bellow
That led to a celebrated incident a few years back
When most here regarded me mainly as a punning scalawag
"Anyone need an inappropriate "witty" wisecrack?"
"Ole Jimt's probably got several in his bag"
Our community decided to have a karaoke evening
Had a professional bring in an elaborate electronic set-up
To call most of the renditions real music would be deceiving
Generally, it sounded more like horny coyotes throwing up
By the end, I'd enjoyed my usual scotch or seven
Gleefully celebrating my friends' vocal tonsillectomies
Wife insisted I give them a chance to get even
"OK, butthole, grab the mike and warble if you please"
I'd have refused if she didn't do most of the cooking
Knowing she could do dastardly things to my digestive tract
So I gamely grabbed the mike and told those on-looking
"I'm gonna do "My Way", the one that brought Sinatra back"
You could almost smell the raucous anticipation
"Oh boy, the jester's really gonna make a fool of himself"
Secretly, I thought I might live down to their expectation
For the first time, I'd be singing to anyone other than myself
But as I hit all the right notes silence began descending
The audience became a disbelieving but respectful throng
Near my finale, they yelled out for a big theatrical ending
But that wasn't right for this sadly introspective song
So I just surrendered the mike and headed for the door
Nodding appreciation for the totally unexpected applause
The karaoke pro even tried to get me to do an encore
But I felt it better to put my dreams of Grammy acceptance on pause
I'd surprised myself as well as most of my friends
Like Paul Potts and Susan Boyle, I'd exceeded expectations
Proving again that ability is something that doesn't depend
On the external packaging that brings it to its destination
