the death bell | na jaemin √

二十一

_rule 21
after the final examinations in your final year of school, all students are all allowed to roam around the city. most students are encouraged to join university, but universities do not provide exams that are similar to high school ones as you have already proven to be worthy of being a citizen of Korea

—-

"welcome to the place i sweat off all my worries" jaemin swung the glass door open to reveal the dance studio he had been so tirelessly practicing in

"you act as if i've never been here before" she adjusted her blazer as jaemin rolled his eyes

"there's pretty bad memories in here huh" he walked around the studio, thinking back to the time they had fought for the first time.

"bad memories are always bound to happen." she looked at him "somehow my mind likes to remember the bad ones"

his gaze changed but no words came out, he only continued to replay those memories again

"i hate that people always see the positive in everything. sometimes things just aren't good so accept that. the teacher always tells me to learn from the bad past, but letting that horrid history repeat itself is already making the same mistake again. you didn't learn anything from the past, you just learnt that even if you are aware of what you did last time, mistakes can happen again without your control" she took a seat "mistakes are just saying you accidentally did something on purpose."

"mistakes are just bad timings" jaemin shook his head at how much negativity was built up in her body "and what if history repeats itself? you got over it the first time you can get over it again."

"you don't get it"

"how would i not get it?"

"you've lived a happy life jaemin. your smile isn't plastered on like everyone else, it's genuine and that's why it hurts so much to see you smile. i've always wanted to smile, not because i have to but because i want to."

"everyone's had their bad timings, and you have to trust that i had those bad timings too."

"you hide it so well"

"i don't hide it, i just learnt to mask it with positivity"

"isn't that hiding it?"

"no, because i don't care if someone reminds me of if. it reminds of how i climbed the mountain and swam across the ocean. it's not a bad thing to have hardships, you just haven't realised it's a good thing"

she sighed, dropping her bag to the floor. doing the best she can, she changed the topic "you promised me to show me your choreography, dazzle me"

"prepare you eyes because i'm someone you can't handle" he winked and pressed a button on the ipad, a muffled build up beginning to sound as he got into position.

as soon as the lyrics could be heard, jaemin's arms followed with it. the music fitted so well with the smile on jaemin face; how the beat kept hyping him and the rhythm was nothing but energising. the neat footsteps were accurately placed on every beat, jaemins expressions throughout it displayed the emotion flawlessly, perfectly demonstrating how much he had practiced this

but when the beat sudden dropped and jaemin got into a kneeling position on the floor, jangmi's heart clenched

the music slowed down, soon turning into a solemn ballad. jaemin waved his arms around, sliding across the floor. his face was painted with sorrow, his body soon standing up to do a turn.

she was mesmerised. he was truly amazing at what he loves and she couldn't help but want to stand up and dance with him. his spun towards her, extending his hand.

"w-what" she looked at it but didn't give any sign of giving him her hand

"come on" he dragged her up, her hand in his "don't let go"

he spun around her a few times, pulling her body to clash with his. she watched as her face drew closer to his, but before she could think any more, he pushed her away, extending his arms and letting his fingers slip from hers

it was almost as if he was saying goodbye, letting go of their memories and their happiness. she couldn't quite decipher what he was trying to say, but she just stood there, her arms dropping to her side.

jaemin saw how confused she looked but dismissed it, doing a flip then coming behind her, wrapping his arms around her. she was caught of guard, her first instinct to jerk away but jaemin was persistent, he always was.

"what are you doing" she blinked

"i want you to know, even if i let go, i'll find you again. no matter what" he spun her around so that her face was in front of his. his eyes drowned with an ocean of happiness, a smile that nothing could replace plastered on his face

"i know this isn't the right time to confess, but i like you. from the day i touched your shoulder to now, my heart hasn't wavered. i'm aware that we can't date in this school, but let
me know that my heart is safe with yours." his words were soft, his heart patient but desperate to be at ease

"i know" she wanted to muster a laugh at his cheesy lines

"you know? is that obvious?" he chuckled "damn, i prepared for so long"

"yeah...it was. very" she knew jaemin liked her since a while ago, but she never admitted it to herself unless she heard it straight for his mouth. she never wanted to face him and talk to him about this, because she knew this will never end well.

"the cameras" she glanced around the room

"i've taken the mic of them and covered it" he smirked "am i smart or am i smart?"

"neither"

"i...want to know your answer. i am willing to wait but not willing to be forgotten" he seemed desperate but she simply cannot give him an answer right now

"we have 4 days left jaemin. i cant...i cant let myself involve in things that would distract me from my studies" it was the hard truth and jaemin expected it already

"i don't need you to be fully involved in this relationship right now. i just want you to confirm that my heart isn't beating by itself. i want to know that we can have a future, after all of this happens and we get through it all, we can. i promise" his eyes brows furrowed at her lack of response.

"jaemin, know that i won't make the same mistake again. i let renjun die, i wont let it happen again"

"you said that letting history repeat itself is already letting that mistake happen again. why won't you just let it happen, and maybe it's different."

"the past is the past jaemin, you can't change the past"

"but you can change the future"

"it's only a matter of time that the past catches up with the present"

"do you not trust me?"

"sometimes trust is the most dangerous thing on this planet"

sorry jaemin

but letting you in is a ticket to hell

i cant accept your confession

but letting go is an art too