Jack of Clubs (BxB)

13: And I Hated It For That

"Hey, Sawyer Jay." When I entered the house, my mom soon greeted me. Her black hair was in a messy bun, and she wore old, faded sweats. The television was on and playing The Silence of The Lambs. Her taste in cinema definitely helped contribute to my own.

I took a seat on the couch beside her, a bit exhausted from the worry and stress. We got lucky that things went alright. By that, I meant that nobody was physically assaulted. So it was better than it definitely could have been. Still, it wasn't close to being over yet. Sam said that there were a few more weeks worth of payments left before he would meet the price he was told to. If that price was ever achievable.

But I didn't tell him that. Sam was too distraught as things were. Maybe he was realizing that he might never win. Spending the extra time with Sam was teaching me that he was a lot more naïve than I otherwise would have known. It was depressing to watch as he learned that life was not as easy as he first thought it was.

"What'd you and Millie spend your evening doing?" Mom asked, in the middle of munching on some popcorn — also known as her greatest weakness. We didn't have deep talks much, but sometimes we discussed our days to fill the gap between us.

We had an interesting relationship. Mom loved me, and I loved her, but we both kept most of our lives to ourselves with small crumbs offered to maintain the peace along the way. With Dad, we just didn't talk. We coexisted with little conversation, if any at all. But Mom and I sometimes watched movies together or got food, and that was plenty enough.

"We went to Jack of Clubs." At least I did go there, but that was the only bit of truth I could reasonably tell.

"That's lovely." She nodded. "You'll have a lot of practice once you finally start going on dates."

I rolled my eyes and frowned. "Millie and I are never going to date."

"I was kidding, for the most part. But you will have a lot of practice taking girls to dinner from the time you and Millie spend eating out." Mom wiggled her eyebrows and I felt my cheeks flush a bit.

It was horrifically embarrassing to have a conversation about my love life with my mother. Especially with the new development in it. Mom didn't pressure me to get a girlfriend or anything, but she liked to tease me on occasion. I knew that she meant well, and probably just wanted to hear about it because she wanted to know more about me. But my love life was not as simple as she probably assumed it was.

"Haha, so funny." I rolled my eyes and tried to think about something other than Sam.

Sometimes I was sure that I really did hate him. Because whenever I thought about him, I would start to get annoyed. However, that sentiment wasn't always true. Sometimes I thought about him and my heart would race. It was easy to say that it was out of anger, but I knew deep down that I was trying to lie to myself. Lying was easier than accepting the truth.

"Is there someone?" My mom suddenly asked after looking at me for a long moment.

As though to betray me, my cheeks flushed more. "No."

She broke out into a grin. "You're lying, aren't you?"

"No, I'm not." I insisted, trying my best to make it a very convincing statement.

Mom's face relaxed as she ruffled my hair. "A mother's intuition is always right, you know. But regardless, you don't have to hide those things from me. I just like to hear about what's going on in your life because you're my son and I love you."

Batting her hand away as I tried to find an easy way to answer her, Mom just sat patiently. The movie was forgotten about, and I hated it for that. "I love you too, I just don't want to talk about it."

"Suppose that's fine, I just don't want you to think that you can't come talk to me."

I hesitated to respond, because I wasn't sure what to say to that. Could I come talk to her? When Mom said things like that, she was definitely expecting a simple and normal conversation. What I had to offer her was not even close. Unfortunately, I just couldn't tell her. I promised Sam that I would trust him to fix this, and Mom was probably going to go into panic mode. Which was reasonable, but I really didn't need that. I just wanted a break.

So instead, I contemplated telling her about Sam and I, because that was somehow a simpler truth. What would she say? Was she homophobic? I really had no idea, because she never talked about those things.

I said none of that. "I know, but there's nothing to talk about right now."

Mom seemed to understand, nodding to herself. "Okay. Want to finish this movie with me then? I've got popcorn." She waved it in front of my face.

"No, I'm pretty tired tonight. Let's do it some other day." I stood up.

"Alright, goodnight Sawyer Jay."

"Goodnight, Mom."

As I walked up the stairs to my bedroom, I couldn't help but feel a pressing concern that Mom knew I was lying. Not only was I an awful liar, but also Mom wasn't stupid. Blushing when she asked about my love life was the biggest dead give away. That was yet another awful thing to add to my long list of concerns.

Once I reached my room I only stopped briefly to grab some comfortable clothes to change into, and then I went to the bathroom. I wanted to wash away all of the worries about Sam and his friends. About myself, and my family. I climbed into the shower with that intention in mind.

However, I was only a minute in when my thoughts wandered elsewhere. To the text I received days ago, talking about what I looked like while I slept. And I was instantly disturbed. I made sure to go much quicker after that, because even though I had nothing to prove that I was being watched in moments like those, I still couldn't shake the feeling that no matter where I was, I was never going to be entirely alone again.

I dressed as fast as possible, because I was successfully freaking myself out. For once I was glad that I never bothered to brush my hair, because it saved me a little bit of time. Then I went to my room, locked the door, and tightly closed the windows. Still, I didn't feel much safer than I did before. But it was a small reprieve that I was willing to accept.

After laying down in my bed with only my bedside lamp on, I pulled out my phone and looked to see if there were any notifications to distract me. To my shock, there actually was one.

Millicent🤮💖:
Heyy bestie. Bored af rn, what r u doing?

A smile found my lips. I loved the ridiculous way that Millie typed, because it fit her personality perfectly. On top of that, I was just glad to see that she was thinking about me. The urge to tell her everything that was going on with me definitely persisted, but I didn't give in. I would never forgive myself if I got her involved. What if something horrific happened to her? I simply couldn't let that happen. Not even over my dead body.

Me:
Literally nothing. You forget that I'm very boring.

Millicent🤮💖:
No, I didn't forget. I was just hoping that u got more interesting since we last talked

Me:
Well you overestimate me. We talked only a few hours ago.

Millicent🤮💖:
Trust me, ik u very well. Also a few hours can b a lifetime

Our conversation didn't stop from there. She was the sort of person who typed without even looking at her phone, or just sent a lot of voice memos. We didn't have anything crazy interesting to talk about, but that didn't stop either of us.

Even though my thoughts wandered from problem to problem, and an occasional full-on panic would ensue as I remembered just how deep I was buried in Sam's horrific decisions. But I was okay, and in the morning, I would be even better.

In the meantime, I was feeling the full effects.

•O•O•

Sorry about being a day late, I completely lost track of time!

Anyway, how has everyone been? Do you like the story so far? Is it super obvious that it's been rewritten?