𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝙿𝚎𝚛𝚏𝚎𝚌𝚝 𝙰𝚜𝚜𝚊𝚜𝚜𝚒𝚗

Chapter 49: Revenge

(Bucky's P.O.V.)

        Two months have passed since she left. It's torn me apart, shredded me to pieces, broken me in more ways than I ever thought to be possible. In a way, it really did feel like a part of me had left my own body. I wasn't happy. I wasn't motivated. I was just... nothing. I sighed to myself as I tossed another empty beer bottle into the trash and rose from the bed to grab another from the fridge. The bedroom was dark; I couldn't stand the light of day with the hangovers I'd been experiencing. Besides, depression wasn't depression without a gloomy atmosphere, am I right? But I wasn't always like this. The following week of Angela's death hit me the hardest. Avengers Tower wasn't too badly damaged so we were still able to go back to living in it right away. Of course, that never stopped Tony from grumbling about it under his breath. He knew how much he complained about it, not that he cared about what anyone else thought when he did so. Usually, he just barked back at anyone who mentioned it to him. That is unless it was Pepper, in which he would merely glance away and mutter a 'nothing' or 'I'm fine'. Every single person that fought had some sort of injury, some of us more lucky than others. I'd say the worst out of all of us was definitely Rhodey. He sported a dislocated collar bone, a concussion and two sprained wrists from the fight. Needless to say, he would be alright, but he wasn't handling bedrest too well, as his stubborn personality clashed greatly with the doctor's orders and instructions. As for myself, I would consider myself one of the lucky ones. Definitely a few deep bruises and cuts, but other than that I was fine. Well, physically I was. Now mentally, that's a different story. I didn't eat or sleep for days, nor even come out of my room for that matter. Nat offered to patch me up, a few stitches here and there. Most of the time we sat in silence as she worked with her needle and thread. She knew that I didn't want to talk about it, especially now with the situation still being fresh. 

        The third week after, I progressively started snapping out of my depressive state and started going to the gym again. But just because I managed to gather up enough motivation to get out of my room doesn't mean I was at all stable. My anger had started building up. I felt as if Angela being gone was everything's fault, even mine. The 'what ifs' continually formed in my mind as time passed and there was never a moment that I wasn't thinking about Angela. It was hard because everywhere I went I would see replays of memories I had with her. The lounge, the gym, our room. My body paused mid-motion at the thought, the refrigerator door half open. Our room... God, even being in this room was overwhelming for me. I huffed with a frustrated sigh and slammed the door shut, not bothering to grab another bottle as I'd originally planned. My legs slowly waltzed back to my size of the bed, the side closest to the window, as my finger tugged at my hair. It was greasy and unkempt, strands hanging in every which direction it desired. For fuck's sake, I can't even call this our room anymore. My fingers roamed down my face and over my eyes, dragging along my cheeks and finally down to my chin before dropping in my lap. Then I sighed with defeat as my body limply crashed against the bedsheets, my face hitting the pillow with a soft thump. 

        After about five weeks Nat had finally barged into the bedroom without warning, her face stern as she marched over to the bed and ripped the bedsheets off of me. Her tone was insistent and orderly, demanding almost as if she were an Army Sargent. I would know, that's what I used to be. Nat had scolded me for being such a lazy prick, a grown man that spent his time loathing instead of finding the culprits that caused this in the first place. I remember exactly what I'd done when she told me that. My eyes had snapped open and I'd looked over my shoulder at her to see Nat dressed in full uniform, her lips sporting red lipstick that matched the fiery redness of her hair. And that very night, we'd gone to take on HYDRA, just the two of us; full ammo, and no mercy. The memories of that day still reside in my mind as if it were yesterday. Even though it was only Nat and me, I'd never seen so much damage in my life. I guess you could say having two ex-agents of dangerous organizations make an extremely dangerous duo. We'd exterminated every agent that tried blocking our path, and it was exhilarating. By the time we'd gotten to the heart of the building, the Director had nowhere to run. I killed him with the very bullet of my gun, and he never had the chance to say anything. In fact, he didn't have to. The expression was written all over his face. His eyes were like a book with a page written in big red letters stating 'I fucked up'. Yeah, yeah he did. But even after getting my revenge and completing that one piece of vengeance Angela had once wanted too, it didn't fill the emptiness I still withheld inside me. To know that the Director was no longer here gave me a sense of peace. At least he wouldn't be able to hurt anyone else. 

        I turned to the inside of the bed, my mind racing with the memories of not too long ago. I had my arm tucked underneath my pillow, the other resting on the mattress near my face. My tired eyes scanned the empty space beside me, a space I wish was filled with the presence of a beautiful young woman named Angela Korina Casten. I missed her warmth lying next to me at night, easing my nightmares and comforting me at my worst moments. I could still imagine her soft breaths as she would cuddle close to me. I'd always admired the way she looked so peaceful as her delicate eyelashes fluttered with dreams and solitude. With a sad, shaky sigh I outstretch my hand to touch the space where she would lay, my fingers resting on the soft silk of the bedsheet before taking a fistful of it in my palm. If I could have anything right now... it would be her laying here next to me.

Song that inspired this chapter:

Can You Hold Me - NF/Britt Nicole

Under Your Scars - Godsmack

Please Don't Go - Joel Adams