Love within the Walls

Such Strange Words

It was the subtle rustling of sheets that woke Ren from slumber. Eyes, still tired, blinked open wearily, her body cringing against the cold air that crept underneath the blankets.

"Erwin...." She mumbled his name, still half asleep as the blonde ran his fingers through tangled hair, eyes blinking away fatigue.

"Erwin..." She says again, more of a complaint as the bed is cold and lonely without him. With an exaggerated yawn, she managed to rise, rubbing the sleep from her eyes as she stumbled towards the figure who stood not far from the warmth and comfort of the soft mattress.

Arms laden with the exhaustion that early morning brings wrapped around his shoulders. She shivered, the brisk November air biting at her skin relentlessly.

"Erwin..." She yawned, leaning against his muscular chest. "There's nothing to do today," she reminded gently. After the Titan population around the walls had been killed, work had been slow. Most of the veterans were allowed days for relaxation, days which Erwin had made a habit of forgetting about.

"Back to bed," Ren coaxed softly, long, elegant fingers brushing a strand of blond hair out of his eyes as she led him back to the comfort of the mattress. Her lips curved upward in the slightest smile as strong arms wrapped around her waist protectively.

"Are you sure?" He inquired sleepily as the bed springs creaked. Ren nodded, burying her head in his chest, shrugging the blanket back up over her shoulders.

This was routine nowadays, that she'd join him every night. Nothing exciting, just offering each other's comfort. Being together seemed to ward off the nightmares. Before, she'd wake to the sounds of her own horror-stricken screams ricocheting off the walls, and filling their ears.

The first few nights were better. She'd still wake up with a tearstained face and voice hoarse from her desperate cries. But it was Erwin who would shield her from the nightmares, promising to keep them at bay every night. And if he were to fail, reassuring arms never ceased to calm her.

And in return, she'd comfort him.Before Erwin received the grafted arm, those were the worst days. Ren could do nothing to rid him of the phantom pains, to convince him that there'd still be a place for him in the Survey Corps. Or to even persuade the chief that he was worthy of every painstaking attempt to find a matching graft, attempts which took days, even weeks.

The day the perfect match had been discovered was one of the most beautiful moments she could remember.

Just like every other day, he'd make a mistake, try to grab something with his right arm instead of his left, and the despondent fog would settle over him again.

But this time was different. This time, fingers managed to curl weakly around the handle of his coffee cup.

She was there, eyes wide in utter disbelief, and the next thing etched into the memory was of her arms around his shoulders, hugging the commander tightly, tears of pure exultation spilling down her cheeks.

She was glad that things had a shot of being normal again. She raised her head, and looked at Erwin, the softest smile etched into her face. He smiled, and it was as if years of wear disappeared, leaving him looking even younger.

Slowly, tentatively, he raised his right arm, the limb shaking from strain. With a focused intensity, his thumb wiped the tears from her face. This of course only brought more tears streaming down Ren's cheeks, as she buried her face in the commander's chest.

It was thinking about things like this that brought her to the same conclusion every time.

The only thing she lacked was courage, at least in this situation. For her whole life, she had held back her feelings.

Feelings were dangerous in her world. But today, would be different. The icy air that seeped through the walls brought with it a sharpening cold, forcing her mind to awaken completely.

"Erwin...?" She muttered, tugging free of his grip gently, a nervous smile tugging at her lips.

One of his eyes snapped open, and he fixated his crystal blue gaze on her. A deep, "Hmmm..." Was the muttered response. A coiling sensation of anxiety brought a wave of nausea flooding through Ren's stomach, but she set her jaw, determined to say it, to say what was on her mind all her life.

"I think..." She began slowly, heart beating loud enough that she swore he could hear it. A pink blood blush gathered at her cheeks, heightening the nervousness that swam underneath her skin. "Erwin, I think I love you," she managed to say, voice tentative and unsure.

Love was new, it wasn't logical to Ren. Love was what described the unexplainable emotion that writhed underneath her skin, it explained why hurting him would hurt her too.

But mostly, love was frightening. And it was fear that froze Ren's body in place as his other eye opened wide, captivating blue orbs glassy in shock.

The color drained from Ren's face at the realization of what she had done, and mentally she scolded herself again and again.

It came as a surprise when she found herself clutched against Erwin's chest, and the familiar arms wrapped around her waist had a calming effect. He rested his chin lightly on her head, his mouth upturned in a smile she couldn't see.

When finally his arms relaxed, and he leant back to meet her gaze, Ren's heartbeat had settled down considerably.

"Renne..." He whispered. Ren couldn't move, trapped in place by those beautiful azure eyes.

"I love you too," Erwin murmured, a calloused hand tucking a strand of brown hair behind her ear.

His tone gained intensity, the low baritone heavy with emotion as he continued.

"I know it. I've known it for a long time now." He yawned, the tiredness soaking his eyes.

Ren's heart was beating fast enough to pound in her ears. Eyes were opened wide as rough lips clasped over hers, but gentle and kind slow, easy, and perfect for the situation.

Her eyes began to close, relishing in the moment. She forgot about how loving anyone was absolutely the last think she needed. Ren had never LOVED anyone before. The word itself just felt so strange.

But she really did love him, so much it made her heart ache.

And for once, that was enough.