sign of the times | joshua bassett

TWENTY

EMMIE'S POV

the first few days with my friends gone were like hell. it reminded me of when olivia went to utah the first time. i would grab my phone to ask if anyone wanted to hang out, then remembered they were in a different state. i tried to distract myself by going on pinterest or instagram, but i still felt sad.

the weekend rolled around after i went through the motions during the school week. i called them daily, but it wasn't the same. i felt stupid for it, but i cried every day they were gone for the first few nights.

friday night was spent watching youtube videos, eating mac and cheese straight from the pot it was cooked in and laying in bed. my mom was working late again so i was home alone. my phone rang, josh was calling. i set my spoon down and answered the call.

     "hi!" i said as his smiling face appeared. he was in his hotel room it looked like.
     "hi! how are you?" he asked.
     "well, i'm currently eating mac and cheese out of a pot with a giant wooden spoon and watching shopping hauls on youtube. how do you think i'm doing?" i laughed. i dealt with things by joking around.
     "i'm sure the mac and cheese is good, but i'm assuming you're not doing well?"
     "no i'm fantastic! yeah, all my friends are downstairs waiting for me, cause you know, i'm so popular! everyone wants to hang out with me!" i said sarcastically.
     "i'm sorry i'm not there," he sighed.
     "i would much rather you be in salt lake city and doing incredible things than eating pot macaroni with me," i reassured him. "how's it going?"
     "the scripts i've been given are incredible. the music is perfect. i'm so happy here." he nodded.
     "i'm so happy for you, josh!"
     "thank you. you've been so understanding and great about this,"
     "i walked in on your life, so i'm going with your flow. is it hard? of course, but i wouldn't want it any other way if that meant you didn't get to do this."
     "did i tell you about my drive to slc?"
     "no sir! tell me!"

we chatted for awhile until he had to go to bed. they had an early call time the next morning he said. i stayed up for awhile and continued watching youtube. before bed, i threw on one of his sweatshirts. it still smelled like him, but i added extra cologne to it. it actually did make me feel better which was nice. i still felt lonely, though.

when i was alone, i was alone. alone physically, i wasn't with my friends, but also mentally. i sat twenty four hours a day, seven days a week in my thoughts. the online presence that i now had didn't help much either. thousands of people looked at everything i did just because of who i associated with. i was extremely critical of myself and battled anxiety daily.

i knew i'd be able to get through this period of loneliness once i'd have them back. i'd never been jealous of a city before, but i was jealous of salt lake city. i didn't want to jump the gun since they had just arrived there, but i planned my road trip to utah that night.