Love You Dead

Chapter 4: Tour (1015 days before)

TRIGGER WARNING: TALKS OF SUICIDE, SELF HARM, AND ALCOHOLISM
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We had no breaks since around New Years. Show, shows, and more shows. The stress was almost unbearable, but Harry always calmed me down.

I guess I wasn't enough to calm him down.

Harry had taken to drinking, and I mean A LOT. At first, it was just us and we'd share a few drinks together and laugh and kiss and cuddle. But then he started doing it by himself. It had gotten out of hand one day in March when Harry came on stage, completely wasted

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(930 days before)

"Get off stage Harry." I whispered to him as he made the crowd laugh, as he always does.

Liam looked at me, worried. Zayn shook his head and Niall tried to distract everyone.

"Why, Lou? Everyone's having a good time! Right?!" Harry yelled.

The crowd screamed. They loved him whether he was sober or not.

"Harry, come with me. Now." I took his hand. He yanked it out of my hand.

"We can have sex later, Lou, relax." He giggled at his own joke as some screams came from the crowd. Liam had a hand over his mouth. Niall froze in his steps. Zayn stared at us, eyes wide.

A few weeks before, Harry and I were told we couldn't be together publically. The consequence was our record label dropping us. We were bloody famous, but it would be a lot of not needed work if we got dropped.

"Good one, Harry!" I laughed into the microphone, looking at the boys for them to play along. They all laughed as Harry looked completely confused. Luckily, we only had two more songs left.

Harry performed them with ease, making girls swoon and scream as he reached out for them. When the show was over, we bowed and left the stage.

Harry stumbled into the mic man before stuttering out an apology. He looked panicked.

Liam, Zayn, and Niall gathered, trying to decide what to do.

"This is getting out of hand," I heard Liam whisper. "I don't know what to-"

"What are we gonna do? Huh, Liam? Kick him out?" I didn't mean to sound harsh, but I was getting protective. I was also furious at Harry.

"Calm down, Lou." Zayn scoffed. "He's YOUR boyfriend. Obviously he has no common sense, why don't you go talk some into him?"

"Shut the fuck up, Zayn. I guess I'll handle this alone." I gave them the meanest look I could muster before running over to Harry.

"Harry, come on."

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On the bus, Harry sat on his bunk. He looked ashamed. I had been giving him a lot of water so he would sober up. I brought him another glass.

"Do the other boys hate me?" He asked. I realized I hadn't said a word to him since we got in the bus. It had been hours.

"No."

"Do you hate me?"

"No."

Harry looked down. "Do you love me?"

"Sometimes, I don't know anymore." I handed him the glass of water and retreated to my own bunk.

That night I tried to ignore the sounds of Harry's quiet sobs.

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For the next few days, Harry didn't talk to me at all. I found empty bottles of booze in his bunk and finally snapped.