Worth the Ache

Chapter 7

I hadn't talked to Alex for a few days, I couldn't bring myself to text him back. He texted a few times asking if I wanted to hang out at the patch, but I had no desire to see him with Lizzy. I know now, but at the time I didn't really see Lizzy for who she really was. So I let it go, and never mentioned to her about me being upset with the advance in their relationship.

I had finally decided only a week later to hang out with all of them at the patch. I met them all there and sat into their circle. "Who wants to play 'Never have I ever'?" Meadow asked. We all agreed and held up five fingers.

"Never have I ever kissed a girl." Meadow says. The only one to put a finger down was Alex, looking slightly annoyed. "Never have I ever kissed a guy." Alex said next. Meadow, Lizzy, and I all lowered a finger. The way Alex looked at me when he saw me lower my finger set my stomach ablaze. He looked hurt.

"Never have I ever had sex." Said Lizzy, which I know was a lie for the fact that she lost her virginity to her ex last Christmas. None of us lowered a finger at that. Relief was the only feeling I had after that. 

"Never have I ever been in love." I said, Lizzy was the only one to lower a finger at that. The rest of the game was just silly questions that I had stopped paying attention to. Every now and again I would catch a look from Alex, he looked sad and I had no idea why.

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Later that night I was texting Alex about just anything really, when he said "Lizzy told me she wants to just stay friends, and that she wants nothing more." Which to be honest didn't really surprise me. She always said she never wanted a steady boyfriend. "I am so sorry." Was all I told him, because the truth was I wasn't sorry at all.

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The rest of the summer went by normally, we all hung out at the patch and got drunk a few times here and there but that was all. Alex and I flirted like normal but it was never anything more than that. I wished so badly to be the one that he had wanted, I wished so badly just to be enough for a guy like him. Every second I spent with him my heart ached and ached at the thought of what once was.

It was the last day of summer, and I was sitting outside my house with Meadow. "Is Alex still upset about Lizzy friend zoning him?" I asked her.

"We haven't really talked about it, he never talks about her." She replied, good. "I know he's your cousin but he is so fucking hot." I told her, "I know were related, but I have eyes dude." I looked at her astonished and bust up laughing. Meadow was a year older then me which meant she would be at the High School, while the rest of us would be stuck at the Jr. High. Except Alex would be attending the Jr. High his family went to, which was probably for the best.

Later that night I was at my neighbors house with all the boys, including Alex. It was Brandon's house and his family had lots of money. We were in the basement that was set up like an in home movie theater, with a projection screen and two rows of couches and been bags. 

All the boys were talking about the game that was playing on the screen and I was extremely bored. I laid down on the farthest couch and pulled out my phone. I saw someone walk in front of me, they seemed to be heading to where my feet were so I moved them up so they could sit down. I moved my phone from my face and saw Alex sit where my feet were. "You don't have to move them, you can put them on my lap." He told me, I didn't say anything but moved my feet onto his lap and went to my phone.

I felt his hand slide up the sweats and lay his hand on my calf. My breath hitched and I couldn't breath anymore. His hand started moving small circles and I could feel my knees goes numb. I laid there as still as possible so that he wouldn't stop.

He stayed that way for about 30 minutes, when my mom texted me and told me it was time to come home. I started getting up and Alex said, "Where are you going?" 

"My mom needs me to go home." I answered him. "I'll walk you home." He offered immediately. "I live next door." I said with a giggle. "I want to make sure you make it the 10 feet without getting kidnapped or raped." He told me with all seriousness.

We got up and stared walking out of the house and through my front yard. When we got to the garage code I started entering it in and then waited for it to move up. 

I looked at Alex and his eyes had darkened but not in a scary way, but a way that make my knees shake. He started to lean into me closer and I thought in that moment he might kiss me, but I moved to the side just slightly and turned an almost kiss into a hug. His body was warm and completely pressed up against me. His bare arms stretched around my back and his hands were open and pulling me closer. I didn't want to leave that moment, but the garage banged at the top and I knew it was time to go in. 

"Goodnight, May." He said smiling, "Goodnight, Alex."