Phoenix ✔️

Chapter 39: Devil's Advocate

It's finally come. It's finally here. The day that I've been waiting to come for some long is finally here. Today, I can officially say that I'm Nicole Wilson once again. I'm no longer married to that monster anymore. I'm part of my family again. I'm shed of one more aspect of that monster. I don't have to live with his name burdening mine. I'm officially my own person again.

But, that may be only one problem that I'm rid of. It's only one grain of sand in my beach of personal issues. Like a dog chewing on a toy, my PTSD is still gnawing at me. I know that it's not going to go away anytime soon, but man, knowing that it's still chewing on me is just so unsettling. I'm so tired of it lingering onto me.

I'm staring at the wall, thinking about everything that's engulfing me. Sleep has not been my friend these past couple of nights. It's just stood behind me, so close, but whenever I try to turn around and grab at it, it slips away and runs to another position. Each one is harder than the last. I blame him. I may have shed his name, but his mark is still very present.

One of the most brutal times that he dominated over me replays in my mind. The way that he pinned me down to the bed as he let his true nature ravish me emotionally. The feeling of the cold sheets against my skin. The pain that engulfed me from all parts as he let his cruelty consume the room.

The pain in my legs, neck, hands, and stomach is unforgettable. It's like I can feel it right now, as I lay in bed, staring at the wall. I turn over, in an attempt to distract myself from that night, but it's useless. The memory is still present, like an obstacle that seems only inches away, but when you try to push it away, you find it too heavy to be pushed to the side.

You eventually give up, and try to overcome it as best as you can. Unfortunately, this obstacle is too big to be overcome. I don't know if I can overcome it within the next twenty four hours, but I can surely try.

I sit up and look at the little clock on the side of my bed so that I have a good idea of how long I've been sitting in bed, thinking about everything that's been happening. The time reads, "7:03." I let out a silent groan, and flop back onto my bed. I don't know if anyone is up yet, because I just want to talk to someone. Dom doesn't get up for another 30 minutes, and I don't know if Ash is up yet.

I really want to talk to someone, so without thinking, I take my phone and send a text to Ash. "Are you up?" I ask, as I set my phone down. I turn a little bit more, in an attempt to get a little bit more sleep, but I feel like someone's giving me a supply of caffeine through my veins, with the world's thinnest needle, making it impossible for me to pinpoint it.

After staring at the wall for a little bit more, my phone buzzes. "Couldn't sleep. You?" the text reads.

"Neither could I. Had flashbacks."

"Oh no. You sure you'll be okay? Take the day off if you want. Mental health day. Candice will 1000% understand."

I think about that for a little bit. That sounds like an okay idea, but I have some things that I really need to get done. Taking the day off completely maybe isn't the best idea. "Can I text Candice and say that I'm working from home?"

"Yeah, of course. She doesn't mind if you work from home. She just cares about the work getting done. If you are working from home, then take care, Nicole."

I give him a slight smile, and text back, "Thank you, Ash." I put my phone back down on the desk, and then get out of bed so I can see if Dom is up yet. I stop outside Dom's room to check on him. Surely enough, when I get close to the room, I hear light snoring coming from Dom. Lara, however, is sitting on the edge of the bed, fixing her gown and hair.

"Lara? Doing okay?"

Lara looks over at me, and whispers, "I'm fine. Had a hard time sleeping. Pregnancy is super uncomfortable."