As I watched Lu flipping meat on the grill from over the balcony I was accompanied by Kristie's mother.
" Today is your big day, why are you in here all by yourself. We all came for you. " she asked.
" Im just not feeling it. Not at all. "
We talked for a little, not about Lu, just about things. Things to keep my mind off of him. Kristie still hadn't come to break me the news. After a little while she finally came inside. She pulled me into her room and told me very casually that Lu had been caught with Maliyah on numerous occasions, but the most horrific one happened recently. I'm not going to go into full detail about exactly what she said, but it sent chills down my spine and permanent hatred into my heart.
It was as she said this with no soul, no remorse. Did she even care ? Why is he still here ? I literally was at a lost for words. My sister stripped from her innocence by her own father, flesh and blood. My stomach began to curl, tighten to which it felt like a knot. I wanted to kill him. Rage shot from my head to the tip of my toes. I was infuriated, not just by him but by her. She sickened me just as much as he did. It really seemed as if she was allowing this to happen. Did her mother know? I bluntly informed her about the first incident but did she know about this one? So many questions, no one to answer them . It sickened me that she knew this and nothing was being done. Still .
"I hate you. Him. Everyone who knows and acts normal with him. I don't want to be here . "
That news left my whole world tumbling, it was as if it was an earthquake and I was the building getting shook down, piece by piece, stone by stone, leaving only rubble remaining. Each time I found out something he did another piece of me fell, until nothing but rubble was left. A once beautiful home, destroyed , nothing. I felt nothing but hate. What else is it to feel? What else is it to give back to the world when all the world has given you but heart ache and pain ? Pain from the people I thought loved me.
I took this news, I balled it up and stored it away with everything else I've been through. Who am I to confront him ? I have before and all he did was laugh. I'm not that savior I want to be. I didn't sit back and let this happen but I didnt stop it either. I continued to fake a smile. I continued to attend that party . For a long time I carried this awful feeling- shame, defeat - for an innocence that someone else took advantage of. It was as if my heart was ignited into an eternal flame, set and burning scorching every emotion my one hundred and ten pound body ever had inside of it. It took me a long time to realize that this was not my fault because Lord knows I blamed myself for what he did to her. Something I had completely no control over, something that ate me up from the inside out. Later I came to realize somewhere in the world he took a wrong turn and it ended for the worst. Somewhere in the world he decided to say fuck it. Somewhere he lost himmself. Something, again, I had no control over. He is who made me who I am today. He taught me to be a stronger woman. He taught me how to face my demons alone. He also taught me how no matter who a person is doesn't mean they always have good intentions. A person I looked at as a father figure who turned to be someone more sinister. Sadly to say this thing doesn't just happen to me. In a world full of angels you'll always have your demons. I heard a saying that the closest people will do the most to you and that was facts.
This is a message to anyone who has dealt with issues like this. If you feel wrong is being done to you, leave, this goes for relationships, family, friends, etc. No matter how old you are. No one deserves to be put down everyday of their life. Don't stay quiet, say something to anyone. Don't put up with no bullshit, if you feel in your heart they are doing you wrong leave that person behind and don't look back. It won't be easy but do not stay and let them keep fucking over you. In the long run it will leave you fucked up mentally for real. I look back and realize that I was the victim, many people who go through things like this dont understand and blame themselves. We are taught in society to be the bigger person, don't speak up, turn the other cheek. That's bullshit. We all are entitled to be treated a fair and just way but not all of us are dealt that deck of cards. I've hurt from this and I've learned from this. Speak up ! Tell your story, don't let the story tell you! Call out your perpetrators in front of their friends, it may sound over the top, but why stay silent ? Why keep it from others when you've done nothing wrong ? You're not the aggressor. My heart is still on fire til this day not out of hatred for him completely, though it still lingers there, but it burns with warning and intent. It's there to remind me that I did overcome this impossible challenge, although it left a stain on me. I will forever be outraged, I will never let go. Though many have pushed me to do so. I have the right to be angered and raged. I know for a fact that many other women feel this way too, sad to say, about some man that's came along and destroyed her peace. Left her in a stage of hate and the need for revenge. You're not alone. It's a feeling that I can't deny and I have no shame in that. It's not right to hate, but who are you to say so? Who are you to judge? I carry my hate in peace. All the pain I've endured over my short time on this Earth, yes I'm still heated and I'll forever let that motherfucker BURN !
If anyone is ever feeling lonely don't hesitate to reach out to me through email or social media Im always here. Just keep your head up and know Im only a text away.
Email: alazaydiamond5@gmail.com.
Instagram: @diamondalazay
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Behind Closed Doors
Short Story• Mature Content • • Completed • A small town girl is forced to move to the city after her grandmother passes and ends up in the hands of her father, someone who is a stranger to her. She is silenced by the abuse that is going on in her home an...
