there is a girl

construction

rocks on one side, a river on another, 

a stand-still construction site that makes me think of no other.

standing still for 5, no 50 minutes, thinking of what we've had,

and now of what we're losing, because we're losing touch

and losing just enough to create this space between us

that we can't take up. filling it with silence and rain checks 

that just leave it emptier than before,

like your side of my bed that morning,

or my side of your bed for 2 weeks now.

will you come back to me? will you keep me around?

you said you're sorry for feeling so down

that you're being selfish, inconsiderate to me; 

it hurts that you're apologizing for being human,

but not for how it's hurting me.

what has you down, selfish, inconsiderate? 

why do i feel pushy texting you 

one simple message in the span of four days?

i miss the times when you couldn't keep your hands off my cheek,

when you'd curl my hair around your hand,

when i could see the love in your eyes with a single glance,

and see your happiness in that wild smile.

you'd text me good morning and goodnight, wishing me

a good day because that's what you thought i deserved.

but this week, i haven't even heard a word.

they're getting lost in that space that we still can't close up.

we are closing it, in a way, closing the door to it, 

ignoring it like a bonus room,

where we throw all the things we don't want but can't let go of;

like the time you left my bed empty that morning without a word,

or the time where there was a mark on your neck that i didn't leave,

or the time i fixed your favorite hat and you didn't care, so it seemed.

and you haven't had me over in 2 weeks now

and i wonder if it's because of me or someone you don't want me to see,

but you won't just tell me, you only apologize.

so what are you apologizing for? there must be something,

or are you just ignoring it, like the plans we made that morning?

since when did you shut me out and stop telling me what's on your mind?

since when did i become an object in that room we keep shut?

is this the love we've led? 

i just want my heart and my head to stop spinning.

please stop spinning me around and

just talk to me.