Short Storys/Kurzgeschichten (Eng/Deu)

Safety (Englisch)

I always felt safe in this country. There has never been a reason to believe that there would be any danger here for me. Until today.

When I walked on the streets I could always feel the gazes on me. Did I look so different? Did I not fit in?

When I got on the bus the people always turned their heads to look at me as if I was something that shouldn't be there. Nobody dared to sit next to me.

And when I carried a heavy bag full of books the people wouldn't stop looking. Sometimes I even catched someone sending a hateful glare at me.

But why? What was the reason for the hate upon a person that they didn't even know?

I know the answer. But I don't want to admit it, because if I say it the thought becomes a reality.

They stare at me because my skin color is a little bit darker than theirs. Because my face shows that I'm a foreigner. Because the scarf on my head marks me as a muslim. They stare at me because they are afraid of people like me. Or because they think I'm like the people they really fear. But I have nothing to do with these people, why won't they understand that?

At first all these stares didn't matter to me. Nobody ever talked to me or attacked me, so I wasn't aware of any danger. I just lived my life, went to school and graduated. Afterwards I applied for med school and waited for the results. I went along my path just like anyone else.

But I wasn't aware of the fact that I didn't have this privilege.

I applied for all the universitys that were near my hometown because I didn't want to be far away from my family. I didn't get accepted at the university in my hometown, but got an acception somewhere else. I really couldn't believe it at first. And in a few days everything started to change. I had to find an apartement in the city of my university and think about moving my things there. The documents needed for the university were sent and my thoughts were filled with the new situation. I would leave everything behind to finally study the subject that I worked so hard for.

But the happiness didn't last long.

Haale in Saale. That's the place where I was supposed to begin my studys. I didn't think much about the town. I just chose it because it wasn't far away from my hometown. And that's exactely the mistake I made.

I didn't have the privilege to chose just any city. Like everyone else.

I was naive. I thought racism was something you only hear about in media. I thought it was something of the past. But I was wrong.

When my older brother heard about me being accepted to university, he was happy for me. He even helped me to find an apartement there and brought me to the new city to go and see some apartements. The city where my new life was supposed to start. This would be the place where I would stay for the next six years. All alone. I didn't like that thought, but I pushed it away and concentrated on the positive feelings.

After seeing some apartements we drove back together with my mother. And suddenly my brother started to try to convince me that I shouldn't go to this city. I shouldn't move and should try to apply next year again. But why? This was my chance! Nobody knew if I would get accepted again next year. I just didn't understand his reason for saying such things.

And then he told me everything. He told me how he had come to this city before once. How he got threatened with knives and people attacked him. And he showed me articles online about hate crimes against foreigners. He told me that this city wasn't safe for a little girl like me. A foreigner. A muslim. A girl that has never seen anything bad in this cruel world.

I didn't want to believe anything he said. Racism? I thought this was something of the past! I learnt so much about it in history class in school. Could it really be possible that there were still so many people who believed in such a dumb ideology?

My fears were too great. My family always wanted the best for me. They didn't want me to be allone in a city that wasn't safe for me. A city where they hate people like me. After a while I accepted the truth. I believed in my parents and my brother and just let the opportunity slip. The next day I sent a letter to the university saying that I didn't want to take the place.

A long time after this I only felt sadness. I gave up my dream because there are people who just didn't like how I looked like or didn't like which religion I was following. I gave up my dream for my safety.

I didn't want to believe my family.

Not until the 9th of October 2019. It was written in all the newspapers, everyone was talking about it and my friends sent me links to articles about it.

An attack on a local synagogue in Haale in Saale, two people were killed.

An attack in the city that I wanted to study in. And it happened in the first week of the new semester.

I was speechless. The danger was real. The words of my family were true. There are people who would go this far just to get rid of the people they don't want in this country. A reality for which I gave up my dream, just to keep my safety.

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Based on a true story.