Separated [BXB]

07

Jorge

"Noen. Your not doing this." I protested.

"Jorge I have to. Your going to go back to jail if I don't. And it won't be that bad. I just won't think about it." He insisted.

"B-But. This is inhuman. They couldn't possibly make you do this. I'm 17. I can take it. I can take the punishment!" I tried to convince him.

Doing this would make me feel like a shitty person and I don't feel comfortable with Noen doing this. Even though it is for me.

"No you can't. Just please let me do this for you okay?" He said.

"I- I can't." I sulked. This was not happening.

"It'll be ok."

"Noen. Nothing about this is ok damn it!" I felt my blood boil. "Everything about this whole situation is fucked up!" I was yelling.

"I know." He said quietly sitting down on the couch.

"No. I don't think you get it. This whole situation is disgusting. It's disgusting. And it's all my fault. Do you understand!! It's my damn fault! It's my fault that you have to do this god awful thing. It's my fault that East Side is out for us. It's my fault that two people are fucking dead! IT IS MY FAULT THAT BENJI DOESN'T REMEMBER WHO WE FUCKING ARE!!" I screamed.

Tears streamed down my face and I never felt so much anger towards myself before in my life.

I felt like an ice burg. One moment I'm floating in the middle of the ocean and the next I'm sinking. Deeper. And deeper until I'm forgotten.

My breathing was getting heavy as I turned around and let all my anger out.

I raised my fist and smashed it as hard as I could. Right through the wall.

I blinked. Holy shit I just punched a hole in the wall. "FUCK!" I yelled. I let myself sink down to the floor as tears welled up in my eyes. I held my hand and closed my eyes.

Noen sat next to me and pulled me into his arms.

My hand was throbbing and I felt blood slowly drip onto the ground.

But I couldn't do anything but sob. "N-Noen. H-He's gone." I could barely get any sentences out.

"Shh. It's ok. Jorge it's not your fault. None of this is your fault. And we don't know for sure that he's gone. It will be okay." He tried to reassure me."

"It is. You don't understand. I killed my own father. I-I can't." A sob left my throat again and I cried.

I seemed to be doing that a lot lately.

"W-What if Evelyn and Addy are dead? They could be," I squeezed my eyes shut.

"They're probably fine. They know what they're doing."

He stroked his hands through my hair. Like Benji used to.

"I hate myself." I whispered.

"Why?"

"I drove away one of the only people that love me."