Oklahoma Grown

Chapter 5: Nathan

 I set my bags in the guest room, my old bedroom. I took a moment to glance around at the walls, remembering the few things I had hung on them. I noticed the small holes left there from the push pins and the remnants of tape. Those things had been taken down long ago when I had moved away, and I had not stayed in this room since then. Even when visiting the few times I made the trip here before I married Ryan, I stayed in a hotel. I had held so much resentment and anger for my past, I never wanted to stay in this room for any amount of time, ever again.

 However, now that I am here, I feel a longing for the warmth my past did have, back when things were simple. The moments when I was able to forget all the negativity outside my bedroom door. The negativity that I allowed to take up residence in my mind and held so much power over me. My thoughts were interrupted by the smell of that fried chicken as my stomach began doing a salsa dance with excitement. I only remembered upon smelling it that I hadn't eaten since Buffalo, and I was now feeling the full repercussions of that mistake.

 I entered the kitchen, once again greeted by that heavenly smell. Mom handed me a plate that was loaded up with two golden brown pieces of chicken, a breast and a leg, a heaping mound of mashed potatoes covered in cream gravy, and a generous portion of green beans that had been cooked with bacon. Lord have mercy. My mouth was watering at the sight of it, but I waited as patiently as I could for mom to take her seat. She held out her hand to me, and I noticed she had already taken Abbie's hand. I place my cold shaking fingers in her tenderly soft hand. We then closed our eyes and bowed our heads as she prayed aloud.

 "Lord, we thank you for the life you have given us, and we ask you for your guidance and mercy as we make our way to be closer to you. I want to give thanks to you, as I finally have my Nathaniel back home again, and I ask that you give him comfort and make the coming days as warm and lovely as he deserves. We thank you for the food we are about to eat, and remain hopeful for a beautiful future as a family. In your precious name, Amen."

 I delayed opening my eyes as I fought back tears. Her words touched me and made me realize just how lost I have been. I took a slow deep breath to steady myself, opening my eyes.

 "Well, let's eat." My mom said, smiling. I admired how steady she always seemed to be. When my dad passed, she was this unwavering pillar of strength for us, and never wavered in her faith.

 The first bite of my food was absolute perfection. The fireworks going off in my head were muffled by my uncontrollable moan that escaped me.

"You like it?" My mom asked, smiling at me with those knowing eyes.

 "Mmhmm" I replied without opening my eyes, as I let the wonderful flavors take me to another plane of existence.

 "Mimi makes good food!" Abbie said from her bright pink booster seat. She had her hair up in two adorable pig tales, and a napkin tucked into her shirt acting as a bib. She had potatoes and gravy on her face, and was about to take on a chicken leg. A familiar laugh sounded from my side of the room. My own laugh. I stopped and looked off out the window behind Abby, slightly shocked and puzzled. Has it really been that long? When did the sound of my own happiness become so foreign to my ears?

 "You better finish up before it gets cold, now!" My mom's voice brought me out of my daze. She must have known I was lost in my own head, again.

 "Sorry, this food is amazing. I don't remember it ever tasting this good before. Thank you!" I smiled politely at her and held up a piece of chicken to cheers her from across the table. She smiled back at me and did the same.

 Before I realized it, my plate was empty and I was stuffed full. I forgot what it was like to eat food like that. I had been on a health kick ever since I had left, and Ryan was always into health foods. The few times I would indulge in something less healthy, he would make me feel guilty about it and would put me on an even more restricted diet for a few days. After a while it was just easier to submit and do as he said. However, now I am free to do as I please. I have a choice, and I choose to have these little comforts from home become my victory. Waistline be damned!