//Doomed//

11

I run up the stairs to my apartment. Shoes in hand. Tear stained cheeks. Not even knowing if I'm more angry or upset with myself. Not even knowing what to do now. Embarrassment keeps slapping me across the face, reminding me just how stupid I've been. My concious constantly popping up to scowl over at me and remind me this is all my fault 'you put out easy. You get treated like you're easy'.

I throw my bag and shoes down on the living room floor before dropping down onto the sofa. Allowing the sobs that have been building up in my throat to escape. Almost chocking me numerous times. But i couldn't cry in the limo. Not a chance. So his driver could report back to him that he'd made me feel exactly how he intended. That he'd suceeded. Hell no!

I sit myself up slowly. Becoming angry with myself  again. Not only for what I've done. But the fact I'm allowing myself to become angry and upset over this. It's done now. Why am i letting this bother me so much? It's just a one night stand. People have these all the time. It's a common thing with single people. Heck, I've had them before. So why am i allowing this one to anger, embarrass and upset me?

Instantly, i know i need to block all this out of my mind, jus for a little while. And i know exactly what will help. My eyes move across the kitchen till they fall and stop on the fridge. This is probably the one time I'm thankful my friend is slightly obsessed with wine. Saying he feels the need to try and experience every wine that's been made - not that he knows much about it - I'm always having a go at him, complaining the fridge is meant to be for food. And we can never do a decent shop because it's constantly full with wine bottles. But now, wine is the only thing i need. I'm sure he won't mind a bottle or two going missing.

I wake the next morning confused and bewildered. As i take a look around my bedroom. I have no recollection of getting into bed last night. But here i am. In only a tshirt. And layed under the covers. The last thing i remember last night is... Oh shit. Dancing around and most probably singing.. badly to  Alanis Morissette's - I'm a bitch I'm a lover. Oh dear god. I sit myself up quickly, wincing when my head pounds from the sudden movement. I don't even know how many of Carl's bottles i demolished last night. That's if he even knows about the wine. Surely it was him that kindly put me to bed when he probably couldn't stand seeing or hearing me like that. But if it wasn't... I still don't have a clue where he is or where he got to last night. But me and him will be having words. If he was there last night, i probably wouldn't of even- No. I've done well so far not thinking about that or him. I can't. I'm not going to. I have to stay strong now. And keep reminding myself it's no big deal. It was just a casual, one night stand. Many people have them. They're normal.

"Oh hey you!" Carl shouts  - to my annoyance - as soon as I've stepped foot out of my bedroom. He lays there on the sofa, in nothing but his boxer shorts as he flicks through the t.v. "How'd you sleep?" he grins over at me. I give him the thumbs up before heading for the kitchen in sudden need of coffee. I feel vile! An although Carl may have the body of a Calvin Klein model. The sight of his bare skin really isn't helping my hang over.

Carl quickly joins me in the kitchen, watching as i pour myself a coffee from the machine "I'm a bitch I'm a-" my glare darts up at him quickly. In an attempt to stop his torture. I knew he'd do this. It's not often i get in those drunken states.

"So it was you" i shake my head, embarrassment creeping in on me while he stands amused.

"You were fun!" he laughs with a squat to my arm. Almost spilling the hot coffee out of my hand. Watch it!

"Time did you put me to bed?" i ask sheepish. Now keeping my gaze away from him as i feel he's mocking me everytime i look up at him. Jheez, everyone has had these mad drunken moments. He's some need to talk. When we first both got out of councelling. It was always me being the one to look after this light weight. Constantly putting him to bed. Having to put the sick bucket at the side of his bed and making sure he knew where it was.

"About 3 this morning" he tries stiffling his laugh. But still holds that amused look. "And you-" he pauses, staring down at me. All of a sudden serious like "You were going on about Matthew, being an arsehole" he leans into the kitchen top next to me. So his body's now facing me.

I almost spit my coffee out instantly. What? Oh shit! What the hell did i say?....

"I did?" i say with a nervous giggle, keeping my focus on the floor "Wha-what else did i-"

"Nothing" he laughs, cutting me off "you were just adamant he's an arsehole" he shrugs, even more so amused now.

"Anyway..." i nudge into him. Putting an end to that conversation before it even starts. I'm trying my damn hardest here to get that fucker out of my head. Not be reminded of my stupidity and how vulnerable i now feel. I've had hours on hours of therapy to deal with feeling like that. An I'm not going through it again. "Where the hell did you vanish to?" i raise an eyebrow at him. As much curious as i am to get the conversation away from me and my drunken, foolish antics.

"Ha!" he grins "Where do i start?" he follows on behind me to the sofa.

"The beginning" i shout back sarcastically.

"Well-" he starts, getting himself comfy, laying himself across me with his head on my legs. "Hotel" he laughs. No guessing who with and why he's laughing. Slag. "Went for a meal. Then the venue. Which you weren't there" i roll my eyes at him even though he's not looking up in my direction. "Got talking to your boyfriend" he shrugs. "And he's got me a photo shoot for tomorrow" he grins, now looking up at me.

"A photo shoot?" i smile, eager to know more.

"I call him your boyfriend. And you're wanting to know about the shoot he got me?" he raises a brow at me before laughing again.

I sigh "He's not my boyfriend" i roll my eyes back at him. Like i even have to tell him that.

He laughs again "Whatever Lea" he winks at me. Making me laugh "He was walking around all night with your lipstick on his neck and shirt. What? The smile is suddenly knocked off of my face. Making him now laugh at me "He's coming round later to discuss business" he smiles up at me, cocky like. Knowing I'm now panicking.

"What time?" I sigh. No way am i sticking around here for that. There's a sudden knock on the door. My eyes go wide with even more panic.

"I'd say about, now" he laughs again. An i know he's laughing at me. Enjoying this afar too much. I jump up quickly. Heading for my bedroom.

"I'm not here!" i shout, running for my bedroom and slamming the door shut.