To the Boy I Love

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To the boy I love,

I'm writing this letter because I don't know what else to do. I can't get you, and us, out of my head. No matter how many times I talk about this, I still don't feel any better. Maybe writing this letter will help.

I don't think you realize the effect that you've had on me, not only right now but even when we first met. I'm going to tell our story from the very beginning, so you can see it from my perspective, so you know exactly how I felt.

It started in 2015, beginning of the school year. I was a sophomore and you were a senior. I saw you around campus a few times, you stood out to me a lot. The very first time I saw you, you were walking out to the road with your friend. I was kind of far away from you but I noticed your hair was a greenish/yellowish color (which I later found out was because you went to the pool while your hair was purple.) You were the first boy I've ever come across in school that had dyed hair. I was interested in you because I, myself, have had many different hair colors within the past couple years. Of course there were other boys who have used bleach and dye in their hair, but it was mostly for highlights or just the tips. You had your entire head that weird green color and that stood out to me, you were different, bold.

I was very curious about you and I would actively try to look for you in the halls when I went to my next class, or during lunch when I'd walk around campus. I wanted to know your name, see your face up close, get to know you.

I think it was a few weeks later when I saw that you had followed me on Instagram. I was so happy because you noticed me and was maybe interested in me too. When I got the notification I stalked your account, unfamiliar with your username. I realized that it was you, the boy with the green hair, as I had called you since I didn't know your name at the time. You've also had many different hair colors. You always changed up your look and style, making you look like a different person in every photo, just like me. You were also into photography, something else we had in common.

     After seeing your pictures on Instagram and seeing you here and there in the halls, I had this image of you. You know when you first look at someone, you automatically judge them without meaning to. For example, I could look at a girl and assume that she's a mean person based on the way she looks. Or you'll get a vibe. There's a man who comes to visit my coworkers every once in a while. When I first met him we didn't talk much. It wasn't until the third time I had seen him that he approached me and started a conversation. Even though he was friendly and outgoing, I felt uncomfortable. There was just something about him that was giving off a weird vibe to me. As I was saying, I had this image of you. You seemed shy, very sweet and caring, kind, loving, soft, nerdy, dorky. Most of the guys in our school were standoffish and arrogant, loud and obnoxious. You seemed like the exact opposite.

Fast forward to a couple months into the school year when an old classmate from middle school approached me, her name was Selena. I haven't talked to her since 8th grade probably. I was walking towards the library when I heard her call my name. She ran to catch up to me and said "hey, Noreen! Do you know who Daniel Noah is?" I told her I wasn't familiar with that person, which surprised her. She replied with "really? Because he has a HUGE crush on you. Didn't he follow you on Instagram a while ago?" It finally occurred to me that she was probably talking about you, the boy with the green hair. She walked away from me and I tried to process that information. I assumed that you might've been asking her to communicate with me since our paths had never crossed and Selena and I were already familiar with each other. I was shocked that she said you had a "huge" crush on me as we had never actually met before. I didn't even know you noticed me around campus too.

     Every time Selena saw me between classes in the halls, she never failed to stop me and talk about you to me. This went on for months. It started to get annoying honestly, but at the same time that was my only way of communicating with you (at least at the time I thought she was helping you to talk to me.) She even came up to me telling me about how you wanted to ask me to the winter formal. I was very shy and introverted in high school (I'm glad to say I've mostly grown out of that) and I told her I didn't think it was a good idea. The thought of actually meeting you and talking to you in person made my stomach churn. I was nervous around people in general, but talking to people I was interested in, it was too much for me to handle, especially since I knew you were interested too. I was relieved that you hadn't asked me as I would've been a nervous wreck and I would've made that night one to remember (and not in a good way.)

     I remember that I would wait for my friend during lunch in front of a class, it was that science class you and your friends would hangout in during lunch. It was on the third floor. You came up every single day from the opposite end of the hall with one or two friends. When I would see you I tried my hardest not to keep looking or staring at you, as much as I wanted to. I'd allow myself to look at you a couple times to not make it awkward, we'd always make eye contact since you were already looking at me.

     There were even a couple times when I'd wait with one of my friends, Ariel, in front of the school long after school ended, and see you with your best friend, Jared, walking towards us, leaving campus and going home. Ariel and I would chill in the grass and just talk stories and I'd look to the side every once in a while. In the distance I'd see you and Jared making your way towards us. I'd get so flustered knowing you would walk so close to me, and I couldn't help stealing a couple glances at you while you guys walked by. If only I hadn't been so shy, I would talked to you then and there, we could've started something.