Scribble Scrabbles

sighh

I had a very productive day today

I saw...

Him.

At church.

We were outside.

I was in the car with my mom.

He was outside by the gates with his parents and brother.

And you know what?

I panicked.

My mom knows how much I like him so she didn't mind my rant.

And you know what?

My mom was kind enough to slow down her driving pace.

And you know what?

I think he saw me, I think he saw me and that's when he quickened his pace.

He started walking a little faster, a little farther away from his parents and brother.

But then as he did that

All the stupid memories flashed through my eyes.

I started crying, my mom didn't care because well she didn't know. (I kinda turned my music too high in the car I guess.)

I was too happy yet so sad to care.

I saw him.

I was happy.

He looked at me for a few seconds.

I was happy.

Yet,

I was still so sad.

Knowing that we won't ever have a chance together.

Ever.

I'm pretty sure he's with my friend now.

But you know what?

It may hurt

But I got hurt by him almost more than 10 times but look at me,

Still falling for his stupid self.

Falling for how he grew taller than me within a year.

Falling for how stupid and competetive he was at our tuition class.

Falling for how he would try to make me smile before he went home from our tuition class.

Falling for him to be honest.

If me liking him even though I know my friend is liking him too is a bad thing?

Well I'm sorry.

For 2 whole years I've known that idiot.

And no matter how offensive his words towards me are.

There is just something inside me that lights up.

Maybe it's just the happiness he gives me or the tingly sensation or what people call "butterflies". But all I can say, whatever that is, it's pretty much tearing me apart.

Oh to the topic of happiness.

My friend made me a book in Year 4.

The title of the book was called

"The Book of Sadness"

And as I said before, my crush and I "dated" so when he saw that book. He scribbled/crossed the word "sadness" and instead he put "happiness"

Weirdest thing is, we used to pass letters to each other almost everyday and I still have some of them and I check them 2-3 times a year.

And when I do the water works come.

Another thing about my crush.

We had a date?

With 5 of other friends... And my friend's older brother...

It was also in Year 4.

We watched Men In Black III and my crush and I sat together.

The seating arrangement was basically like:

Front row:

J, Friend's brother

Our row/Back row:

MJ, H, Crush, Me, A, T

So yeah my crush and I sat together..

Held hands..

Shared milo (which I paid... sigh)

Cuddled....... It was pretty hard and weird and awkward tho there were adults looking at us weirdly.

And basically he bought me 50 cent ring and I bought him popcorn :/

I kinda lost my ring tho.

It hurt me too much.

Sigh.

If falling for a person you hate the most but still so in love with is a bad thing?

Well I guess you can say,

I'm a horrible person..

And friend.