Wildest Dreams

Begin Again

"And you throw your head back laughing like a little kid
I think it's strange that you think I'm funny 'cause he never did
I've been spending the last eight months thinking all love ever does
Is break and burn and end"

-Taylor Swift "Begin Again"

Severus and Narcissa had just finished their lunch with Draco and Harry. They had just said their goodbyes. As they walked into the room with the ornate fireplace, Severus and Narcissa were startled by the presence of one Hermione Granger looking like she had seen a ghost.

Narcissa approached her cautiously. "Hermione, dear, are you okay? What brings you to the Manor?" She tried to reach for Hermione but was met with a swat.

Severus and Narcissa exchanged worried looks as their unexpected guest looked like she was about to have a panic attack. "Severus, we need to get her out of this room. Remember when the snatchers captured Harry, Ron and Hermione? My sister did something so abhorrent to that poor girl." She whispered to him with tears in her eyes. His eyes noticeably widened.

That is when Severus decided to get closer to Hermione. "Miss Granger? May I help you to another room?" There was no response as he continued to get closer to her. "Miss Granger? I mean, Hermione? May I help you?" He smiled softly.

When Hermione heard her first name, her eyes flitted to Severus and she nodded. He went over to her and she leaned most of her weight onto him as he wrapped his arm around her. Severus guided her out of the room that held such terrible memories for the witch. They entered a room lined with bookshelves. Severus placed Hermione gently onto the love seat. "As you can observe this room is the library. I thought it might calm you if you were near something that you hold close to your heart. Books." She gave him a small smile. "Also, I summoned a modified calming draught. It will not make you fall asleep. It just takes the edge off of your panic attack symptoms." He handed her the vial and she gulps it down without question. He saw her visibly relax and she sighed in relief.

Hermione blushed. "I am so incredibly embarrassed by my behaviour. I am so sorry and thank you Severus for helping me." She smiled shyly.

Severus smiled when he heard her say his first name. "We all have our moments after a great trauma. No need to feel embarrassed. It is only natural to react that way." He sat next to her and gathered her hand in his.

Hermione was startled by such a kind gesture from Severus and looked at him curiously. "Why are you being so nice to me? Not to be rude but you have never been one to be kind especially someone like me."

Severus flinched a bit. "A great many things have changed since I first met you, Hermione. If you will let me, I will explain myself as best I can."

Hermione nodded. "Indeed a lot has changed since first year. You can tell me if you do not mind sharing." She gave him a small smile of encouragement.

Severus took her encouraging smile as a good sign. "As you know back in my Hogwarts days and even before then, I fell in love with Lily Evans. Unfortunately, it was a one sided love. I am still haunted by her death and how our friendship crumbled overnight it seemed. She is the reason why I protected Harry. My love for her called to me like a beacon in the night and I just knew had to do right by her. All I could think of was that he was the piece of her. When I went to the Potter house the night they died, my heart shattered for the boy who now had no parents all because of his destiny and slimy Wormtail. Nothing felt right in the world any longer knowing Lily was gone. Losing her friendship made me go off the deep end and I joined the Death Eaters but knowing she was not part of the world any longer made me realise that I had to do everything in my power to help Dumbledore even if I was begging or it seemed like he was forcing me to do something. At the time I was so conflicted that he had to push me to do a task for him. I was quite a mess."