Steiner and the Hypnotic Cue

CHAPTER 18 Deus ex Machina

No,  no one  was like me again, not even me.

Shortly after the Masters win, we were back on the road for our Spring Tour We charged almost double the fees of our  Autumn Tour, and David Noble upped his cut to 25%. I was happy to go along with this, for the moment that was.

Our last venue was in Israel. It was planned that we would return home; have a bit of a rest, and then execute the old plan of my attending Q-School and getting into the professional circuit.

We flew into Tel Aviv. It reminded me so much of Rio. Walking on the beaches, I had flashbacks of music videos and reminisced about my first tour. In some ways it was still the best.

We had arrived a few days early as David wanted to see a Uri Geller show. Tel Aviv is his home town, and he was home to promote his latest gimmick ‘The Next Uri’.

David was a life-long fan. 

Reader, if you haven’t heard of Uri Geller,  then let me tell you he was the David Blaine or Chris Angel of his day. Back then the best Uri got up to was ‘bending spoons’. I know, I know—it’s hard to see how anyone could get excited about that, but really old people—say people that are 35, or even older, like this kind of thing. David Noble may have been as old 40 at this time. It’s hard to imagine being that old, isn’t it?

I got dragged along reluctantly. To my surprise, the show was quite good fun. Let’s face it you get caught up in the moment, don’t you? It wasn’t just Uri Geller, there was a bunch of them on stage showing off how they could be the next Uri Geller. I wondered what they did with those bent spoons.

With a few days to kill until I did my show in Tel Aviv, David arranged a tour of the area, as he always did in new countries with time to kill.

The first stop was the ‘Dead Sea’. It was a crazy. You float on the water—you can’t sink, no matter how hard you try; although it’s actually not a good idea to try because the water is so salty it will burn your eyes out. David Noble ended up screaming, as he had nicked himself shaving that morning. He wasn’t alone.

Later in the afternoon we headed North to Jerusalem, and booked into the Crowne Plaza Hotel.  It was our usual hotel as David said they had the best Wi-Fi connections, which he said he needed to keep in touch with his ‘contacts’.

The next day, we wandered around the tourist areas of the city. The place was packed, and it was hard get through the crowds. Jerusalem was busier than normal because it was Easter time. Everyone seemed to be shouting, screaming and squashing into each other.

My head hurt.

Needing a break from the crowds  and the heat, we stopped for  a cup of coffee at the Café Kadosh. I actually had a frappuccino to cool down. When we left, the street was even busier. A whole group of people had converged, just down from the café.

Walking past them, I saw a big sign with the word JETS on it. There were other banners, but this one caught my eye.

When I was at school, I used to love jets and all kinds of aircraft. I even started to make a website about jet-air planes, but changed my mind half-way through, and made a James Bond website instead. It almost won a prize for the best website of the year, and you can still find it online.

I sauntered over to have a look, but when I got there I read the smaller writing on the banner: Messianic Crusade in Association with Jordan Evangelical Theological Seminary. The JETS had nothing to do with planes at all. I knew that word ‘Theological’. “This  whole thing  is to do with religion,” I thought. “I’ve been tricked!”

I looked round. There were people with guitars trying to sing; some were handing out leaflets; some were getting screamed at by guys decked out in  black. They looked weird. They wore black hats, black trousers and black shoes. The had curly black hair dangling down the sides of their heads. The only thing white, was their shirts, which were buttoned up tight at the neck. How could they dress like that in this heat?   They guitar group  were trying to argue back with the men in black, and every second word used by both groups was Jesus.

The men in black  were getting ready to attack.  In the distance,  police were mustering.

“C’mon Steiner!” requested David as he gripped my arm. “Let’s get the hell out of here, quick!”

We turned to leave but blocking our way was a woman with long, bright red hair and slightly old fashioned clothes.

“Hello Steiner. Tarry ye a while and heed the Word of the Lord,” she said in a Scottish accent. I couldn’t work out where she was from, but it wasn’t Murray, nor Fife, maybe the Highlands.

“How do you know my name? Who are you?” I asked puzzled for a second, then realised, how could she not know my name? I was famous in Scotland.

“I am Shelia McLaughlan, the Prophetess of the Lord and  the Lord  hath  revealed your name unto me … for The eyes of the LORD run to and fro throughout the whole earth, and  moreover God hath revealed your great folly, Steiner Sanderson,” she replied emphatically.

“Look!” David cut in, cutting her off and grabbing my arm again in the process. “I’m actually a Humanist. We don’t believe in  God and we’re a bit busy at the moment.”

“The Fool hath said in his heart ‘There is no God’. How dare ye lie unto the Most Holy God and resist His will!?” she scolded.

At this, David turned;  fell over and  cracked his knee on the pavement. No one really noticed as all eyes were watching the police break up the argument between the guys with beards and the guys with guitars.

I tried to see if he was alright, but Sheila started again, “There is a great darkness over you, Steiner. You have consulted witches that peep and mutter. Like Simon Magus, you have used sorcery to make yourself great. But your heart is not right with the Lord”

“What?  What are you talking about?” I asked not believing what I was hearing. “I was told to watch out for people like you!” I blurted out in a panic.

“Like  Jannes and Jambres, who fought against Moses before the throne of Pharaoh, those women fight in vain against the Lord, even as ye do now!“

“Behold, the power of the Lord!”

I felt a slap in my face and a  thump in my chest, just like a blast from a powerful speaker at a concert, and I fell over onto the ground lying beside David, speechless. No one was near me. No one had touched me.

She closed her eyes and started to ‘pray’, but  was quickly  surrounded by police who escorted her away with the others.

No one paid attention to us, and we got up and walked back to our hotel. I walked, David limped quite a bit. It was still too noisy to actually talk about what happened, but that didn’t stop chewing it over in my head and wondered how she could know those things about me. Even Chris, the witch,  had to prompt me for information. I had told no one. Maybe Chris or the assistant had blabbed, But this woman just did not seem the sort of person to hang around magic shops, nor covens in Dunfermline.

I was greatly troubled by it. My thinking had begun again in earnest.

But as I would learn, this was just the beginning of our trouble.