Sleeping, With Saints and Apparitions (Tony Perry Fanfiction) [discontinued]

Hindsight Is My Only Flaw

Jillian Stewart

|Feb. 15th 1:08 am| Seattle, Washington

“Jill, can I talk to you?” I sat up from the couch, shoving Ben’s legs off of me. I yawned, rubbing my eyes and checking the time.

“Have we stopped yet?” I asked, still asleep, not comprehending what he could possibly want to talk about.

“Yeah, we stopped a while ago.” He stuffed his hands into his pocket.

“Well, I guess we can talk.” I got up, following Cameron outside the bus into the chilly air of London. “So, what’s up?” I looked into my fiancé’s weary eyes and I was automatically worried.

“I’ve been thinking for a while. I don’t want you to suffer any more than you have to.” He said.

“What? Touring with you guys isn’t bad, although the parties can be a little extreme, you guys are-” Cameron laughed.

“No, not suffering with us. Suffering with me. You don’t deserve to love someone as horrible as me. And I don’t deserve to love someone as committed as you.” Tears welted my eyes his words processed through my mind.

“Cameron, I,” he can’t just do this. He just can’t. “Cameron, what about, our, our engagement.” He dropped his head. He took his ring off and grabbed the chain from his pants, looping the ring through the chain and placing it around his neck.

“I can’t be with you. I don’t deserve you. You’ve been so lost throughout this whole relationship and I haven’t. Okay, I cheated. I cheated so many times and Jillian, you don’t deserve this. You need to explore the world before making a rash decision as marrying me.” My world shattered right there. My future, my dream of finally getting to become Jillian Liddell was flushed down the drain. I’ve been heartbroken before. But none of them will hurt as bad as this. The tears poured freely from my eyes as I ran onto the bus.

“But,” I began.

“Go see the world. Re-join your band. Make fans happy. And if I run into you again, another time and the feelings are still there…..then, then we’ll get married. Deal?” I stared at his hand for a long time.  But after a while, I nodded. That’s what love does to you. I took off my engagement ring and unhooked my necklace, replacing the charm with the ring before placing it back around my neck. I walked to the bunks and grabbed my bag and threw necessities in it before walking out, hitting the bunks on my way out, not caring if I woke Danny, James, or Sam in the process. I walked towards the front longue where Ben was now up and alarm as he saw the bag.

“No, Jillian, you can’t leave.” He yelled while running to me. He pulled me in a hug, his desperate attempt to keep me here. For a minute, I just cried into Ben’s arms, hugging his arms as I buried my head into his neck. I cried and Ben didn’t care if his neck was going to be gross afterwards. But once I calmed down a bit, I sighed.

“Ben, just let me go.” He hugged me a litter longer before he sighed and let me go, smiling weakly at me. I walked out into the now wet atmosphere and face the bus where Ben and Cameron were at the doorway. “See you soon Cameron.” I said with a small wave.

“See you soon Jillian.” He waved back at me. As much as I wanted to run up and kissed his lips, I walked to the train station in the dark night and rain, ignoring the voice in my head telling me to go back.. Once inside the London train station, I went up and bought me a ticket, never once looking back.

 

I jolted straight up and hit my head on the top of the bunk, falling right back down to the pillow. I groaned, but sat up, wrapping my arms around my legs.