There's a talking raccoon in my house!

WHAT!?

I'm not the "animal lover" person , it's not that I don't like them but it's not my mojo. I was jest getting home from this pain in a butt job, I was bushed. I live alone,I'm not interested in getting out there,I'm a humble guy, at least I think so. So I warmed me up some leftover pizza from last night, then I got me something to drink out the fridge. I went to sit on my couch, I grabbed the remote control and turned on the TV, it was my favorite show, it's was about these crazy people falling off shopping carts.

I set there, eating a slice of pizza while drinking my favorite  beverage, till I heard a knock at the door. Those stupid teenagers, I thought. So I went up to the door and guess what? There was no one their! Ughh what is wrong with these kids today! So I went to sit down again.. CLASH! What was that!? I thought again. I went to check in the kitchen to see that nothing was there, what is going on...

I'm I going crazy or what? SCRRRT! Ok. This is not funny 😡.   Hello? Anyone there? Hello ,down here, something Said. Who are you, show your self! Then a raccoon showed up in the middle of the floor. "Hello human, my name's bandino the raccoon what's your name, the raccoon asked. I swear to God that I was on crazy pills. "Umm hello, I'm.. I'm Harry, what what are you doing here, I started.