september of 2015
fourth grade was here. at ten years old, i learned what sex was. i felt like a new person, like i was much much older than i was.
i remember this scene distinctly. as i was walking back from school, first time not being with a babysitter and all by myself, it was one of the few moments i had alone with my thoughts.
i was almost home when my mind drifted to luke. i had just saw him in school and i couldnt not think about him.
as i was about to opet the front door, with my very own key, for the very first time, i remember saying to myself.
'you do not like luke.' repeatedly. this was caused by a wave of jealousy i felt from seeing him talk to another girl from my class.
it was a strange feeling i had never felt before, and it confused me.
as im writing this now, and rethinking it all, it might seem absurd for a ten year old to be thinking these things, and believe me, it is. but these are feeling that i so clearly remember feeling that for some reason i never could get away from, so i thought i might as well share it with someone else.
