Bound By Madness: Filling The Void

Slipping My Mind

Warm hands ran up and down my arms as I shivered in front of the fireplace, my hands held out toward the burning logs in an attempt to bring my fingers to a temperature somewhere above freezing. I'd completed yet another job for the Guild with the promise that we would be able to finally meet up with Maven Blackbriar by the end of the week.

The problem was that spending so much time swimming through icy water and sneaking about in the rain had taken its toll on me and I would likely have to spend most of the remaining days this week resting in bed. And that was if I was able to get my hands on a potion to help alleviate the oncoming illness. I couldn't even begin to explain how much I missed Babette's potions right now, how quick she was to offer what was needed to see her Siblings healthy and capable in as short a time as possible.

"Hush, sweetness. Cicero will take care of you until our Brother is back with the potion. Cicero is sure that something can be found to help. Even if the mutt has to run all the way back Home to get something from the Unchild," my Jester Assassin whispered softly, his fingers combing through my hair as he leaned forward, his chest warm against my side as I curled against him.

You shouldn't be so close to me, my Cicero. What if you end up sick as well? Who here can be trusted to take care of us if that happens?

"Why, Amicus will watch over us until our Brother returns if that should happen, of course! After all, he does not get sick like us, right?" He said, peering down into my face with a grin. "There has to be some advantage to being as he is."

Pressing his lips against my forehead, he went back to his finger combing of my hair, my eyes slowly slipping closed as I heard Amicus moving about the room behind me. My Cicero was right, as our Amicus wouldn't allow anything to happen to us while he kept a watch over us.

I was glad that my Assassin hadn't left my side as my Jester had, but I couldn't be upset that Ellery had found his way back into the world properly again. Now he was seen and heard, as he should have been all these years, able to share his laughter with the world once more. Although, at times I still felt confused about the how and why of it, while at others it seemed to almost make perfect sense before slipping away again.

I wonder what Ellery was up to while we were gone. Was he praying at our Mother's feet as he had been when we had returned from the Emperor's ship? Or maybe he was practicing his acts in hopes of getting to perform in the nearby town of Dawnstar, likely in preparation for the larger cities that Skyrim had to offer. Maybe we should try and find the time to return home to check on him, as well as our Bastian and the rest of the Family. But that would have to wait until after we found our Lost Sister.

Perhaps our Wolf Brother would bring back news if he had actually gone back to get potions from Babette. And if not, then maybe he would be willing to go with us for a visit?

I miss our Family. Our treasures...

"I do too, Faith. I miss our Ellery. It is strange these days, to not have him with us after so many years of never being far apart," Amicus whispered as he moved about the room, a flash of dark red hair passing by before my eyes closed one last time before I slipped into another dream. "I wish..."

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The bitter taste of the potion on my tongue, even this long after having taken it, told me it had not been one of Babette's potions. But at least our Brother had returned quicker than expected, most of the time he'd been gone having been spent searching out the ingredients for the potion itself to be made.

It seems that the local apothecary had insisted that for maximum effectiveness, it would be best to have the freshest ingredients for the potion. Not a complete lie, but also not fully the truth, as some ingredients worked best when dried and powdered, while only certain ones were best-used freshly picked. Of course, our Brother didn't know the difference, but Babette had spent so much time talking about such things around me that some things had finally started to stick.

I might never become an accomplished alchemist, but at least I was starting to learn a few things here and there.

"You should be resting, sweetness. The potion won't work best if you aren't allowing it to take full effect. Go back to bed, my heart. There is nothing that needs doing badly enough that it can't wait until you are fully well again," I heard the words whispered from behind me as gentle fingers brushed against the side of my face before carefully gathering my hair behind my ear, lips pressing against my cheek as I began to turn my head.

I know, my Cicero. I just wanted to write things down. So much has happened, I don't want to chance losing it if I should forget something. This way I can read it and maybe it will help me remember. But even if I don't, at least it will be written down so that I can know it happened.

"Oh? Sweet Faith has been writing in her journal? Does she mind if her Cicero reads what she's written inside? Oh, but he understands if she says no! He knows how personal a journal can be, so if she requests it, Cicero will not ask to read her journals again! He just... wonders sometimes about the things she writes," he asked excitedly before lowering his voice, ending in a soft mumble.

Closing the journal carefully, having made sure the ink had dried first, I turned the rest of the way to look up at my Jester Assassin with the book held up against my chest. Gazing into his honey-brown eyes, I felt like I was searching for something that I couldn't name. Finally, just as he began turning away with resignation visible in his posture, I moved to hold out the journal I wrote so much inside of recently.

I don't remember everything that is written in here. And it's not organized as well as most people's journals would be. I often forget the dates and the best I can do is try and keep things in order of what happened first and then what happened after that. But it's not always that easy and I can't always explain things if something confuses you, so if I don't remember it I won't be able to help. But if you want to ask about something, you can. I'll try and answer if I recall enough of it to explain...

Realizing I was rambling nervously, I closed my mouth and waited there, still holding out the journal. This wasn't like sharing a few pages of information on Amicus and Ellery. Letting him read this would be allowing him to read about all the thoughts, feelings, ideas, and events that I had written down since starting this journal. Some of it was similar to the things he had already read, yes, but expanded upon and my own personal feelings and thoughts added to it.

If he read the whole thing, he would read about my deepest thoughts and feelings concerning him, from the day we met to the things I had just written today. I had written about him often inside my journal, knowing that if ever I began to forget him I would want a way to remind myself of who this amazing man was and how much he meant to me. How much I had come to need him.

Feeling the journal slowly slip from my fingers, I focused once more on the man standing before me, his eyes wide as he looked back at me.

"Cicero will treasure his dearest Faith's writings and treat this journal with the utmost respect. He thanks her for showing him so much trust, that she allows him to tread gently into her mind and promises that he will be gentle. Cicero knows how much power the written thoughts can have and he will not abuse that power she is giving him," he whispered, leaning forward to rest his forehead against my own as he closed his eyes. "I will not make you regret this."