Love Me Tender

I wonder...

Kakyoin's POV.
It's been at least a week since I had to leave for being plastered to Jotaro's side. He still comes to visit me once in a while when mama comes and brings me snacks... It's not as much as I'd like but it seems beggars can't be choosers.
I lay comfortably on my stomach, trying to focus on my book but seeing as so much has happened recently I haven't really been my usual concentrated self. My days are plain and long, since I'm only here for safety reasons the doctors really have no use in treating me, except for the occasional scar check up and physical therapy, Jotaro usually shows up to help out. I still need my chair obviously, but walking with Jojo makes me feel like I could do it for hours. I'm happy, I really am, but there's just something looming in the back of my mind telling me somethings not right. It shouldn't but it feels strange seeing him so regularly, speaking with him as if nothing ever happened, as if the months following my apparent death never happened, it just feels like lost time. I'm glad that my life can partially go back to relaxation and calm, but that's the thing- it's never going to be perfectly normal. I have a feeling the hum in the back of my head isn't going to go away... I'll just have to get used to it I guess. I shrug my shoulders and attempt to carry on reading my book,
I wonder if Jotaro still thinks of when we were apart... Does he still feel anger? Maybe he is just being so kind because he feels obligated. Or maybe he really does want to see me? I'd love to think he'd like to see me... I rest my head in my hands deep in thought, don't be stupid Noriaki, he wouldn't keep coming to help you if he didn't want to see you, obviously. I wonder if it's too soon to tell him how I've felt all this time... I wonder if the time where I can tell him will actually ever come. It's hard to think that someone like Jotaro will ever want to be with me, but then again he really has surprised me in how sweet he can be. In truth, Jotaro is very affectionate physically, he doesn't like to say much but his actions have always spoken louder than words ever could for him... It takes me a while before I realize that I've been spaced out all this time, I'd usually sip this train of thought but there really isn't anything better to be done right now.
I shift onto the side of my bed and slowly get into my wheelchair, I ring the nurses to ask them to allow me outside. I don't have many reservations about how things have been these past few months, my only persisting problem is the lack of fresh air I've gotten. The lack of sunshine and the feeling of the cold fall air moving through my hair; during the 50 days we had been outside for most of our days and nights, I hadn't realized how accustomed I'd gotten to it until I was cooped up in the same room everyday.
I wonder what my life would be like if... if he hadn't nearly killed me. I wonder if I'd be happily taking a walk down my neighbourhood streets with mama, instead of having to page a nurse to allow me to sit outside for a designated period of time. Maybe I'd even call Jotaro to come walk with me! Would we still be close? I'm sure we would, but I'm not sure he's the type of person to take a midday stroll.
All I do is wonder these days, since I can't do anything about these wonderings it just leaves me high and dry. I could think up a storm of things, I could imagine going to the beach, going to the library, painting in my little art nook in my room. I could think of all these things but it would only be a thought, I can only wonder what those things feel like now.