I grabbed my laptop from the table searching tabs for hours, searching for a cure for anything that can help me escape this misery.
Until a screen popped up my laptop window and there was a beautiful women with pale skin and long dark hair, her background seemed dark and she had long dark eyelashes and baby blue eyes that I can't seem to turn my focus away from.
"Hello" her voice was very calm yet relaxing
I glanced at the screen afraid to open my mouth to say anything
The words won't come out my mouth but I just faked a smile for return
Her smile turned into a frown as she looked at me in pity
"Come closer to the screen"
I obeyed and scooted closer to my laptop as my anxiety level rises
"I can see that you're hurting, stop hiding it little boy"
Should I open my mouth to speak? To reveal the secret that I'm biologically a female? Should I just stay mute? Or let her know I'm a freak?
"Can you talk?"
I shook my head
"I'm here to help you"
Yeah, lies.
"You shouldn't be afraid little boy, others might have rejected you but I promise you I'm here to help you"
A silent tear rolled down my cheek
There was a long pause after this
"Are you okay..."
I shook my head holding onto myself before I start breaking down.
"No.." I paused.. "I'm not okay" I whispered
"I cannot take it another day in this body please, I was born in the wrong body. I beg of you I need someone I need help I'm a freak and a weirdo and I have no one!" I said the last sentence as if I was screaming
Her eyes widened in surprised of the sound of my voice she seemed surprised as if I was a baby talking for the first time ever
"I'm transgendered, I'm a MTF (Male-to-female) I know how it feels to be in the wrong body and I've suffered so much. Do you notice why I'm here in the dark alone?"
My body stiffened and I was shocked to hear that. There was somebody actually out there, maybe not an FTM but still someone that knows what its like. I tilted my head awaited for the answer
"It's because I ran away from the harmful society, those people are so cold and heartless. I locked myself up in this dark cold room just to feel safe. We're weirdos of society. I've could never guess you were transgender"
I also never could have guessed that she was trans, she looks so beautiful and pure and why could such a beautiful person suffer so much?
"I'm trapped." I said loud and clear
"Someday you're going to break through, there's always a little hope" She gave me a warm smile as the window screen webcam faded.
I shut down my laptop. I went to bed and the weight on my shoulders wasn't as heavy as it used to be. "Maybe there is a little hope" I smiled to myself as my eyelids slowly dropped.
YOU ARE READING
Trapped Inside My Own Mind
Non-FictionA transgendered boy struggling with his daily life basis and trapped inside of his own mind trying to find his way out but it doesn't help that he lives in a homophobic country and society. [COMPLETED]
