I woke up on a Thursday morning and decided to skip breakfast and I pretended to swallow my pill but just tossed it in the bin on my way out, it's where it belongs because honestly I've been taking that pill for months and it never worked. Apparently it was supposed to make me feel better.
I texted Anna today but she seemed to be in a pissy mood, she didn't want to even talk about it so I wasn't going to force her I just let it go.
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The bell rang as I walked down the school halls where Amelia was humming an annoying song beside me
"I'm so excited to go to the mall with you today" She sung excitedly
I was honestly still worried about Anna maybe I should have forced her to tell me what happened.
"Yeah me too" I said bored
She grabbed my arm and yanked me to the exit of the school
"You better not be late" she protested
"I'll try my best."
"You better!"
She giggled and skipped to her car but took a glance back and waved goodbye to me. I waved back knowing I'll see her later anyways.
As I got home I took out an ace bandage and wrapped it around my chest and I picked out a "Bring me the horizon" band shirt with ripped black skinny jeans and wore them quickly, I grabbed a grey beanie and put it on. I looked to the mirror feeling a little better about myself.
My phone rang loudly and I jumped from the sudden noise "Shit!" I quickly answered the phone without checking the ID caller already knowing who it was.
"BITCH HURRY UP!" Amelia yelled
"Alright chill, I'm coming!" I quickly ended the call and rushed to the car
As we were entering the mall she couldn't stop looking at me weirdly
"What!?" Is there something on my face?
"I can't help it that you look like a guy today" She joked
"What if I am one?"
"You obviously can't be one due to the fact you have a vagina"
"My parts don't identify my gender"
"It's sinful to think you're a guy because god created you as a girl and you have to get over the fact you're a girl!"
I stopped talking knowing I didn't want to start an argument over this, I know I'll never be accepted and I'll have to live through this the rest of my life
"Why can't you ever dress like a girl? Why can't you be as pretty as you were in the party?"
"Because I don't want to." Fuck. I hate this already. I regret ever going out with her.
"Well you should! Come on" She grabbed my arm and I forcefuly yanked back. All I felt was anger. Anger was boiling inside of me. I can't take the anger out on her, I don't think she deserves that. I know I'm mentally a guy and I've lived that way since I was a kid but there was hurt. Hurt is what I saw in her eyes. I raised my hang up in defeat and nodded.
She smiled brightly and dragged me into Forever 21
It's been almost a fucking hour and she got me carrying a pile of girly clothes she shoved me into a changing room.
"Go change! and hurry"
I picked up a random dress, it was a pink dress with flowers on it that was her favorite one.
I placed it ontop of my body to see how it would look like. I tried to look for someone else's face anyone but me. I hate the way I feel.
I sighed sadly... why do I have to go through all of this? Why is she doing this to me?
I slammed the door open, hard.
I showed her the 'pretty dress' she wanted me to wear and I roughly threw it against the wall and screamed. One of the workers must have heard us because she started walking towards us
"Excuse me miss-" THAT'S IT. I HAD ENOUGH. I cut her off by tossing all the pile of clothes and kicking them into places and the look on Amelia's face was like a deer in the headlights, she looked beyond terrified. I walked angrily outside the store and ignored Amelia's footsteps behind me
I dialled the buttons on my phone to have a cab to pick me up but there was no answer
I tightly clutched my phone and roughly shoved it into my pocket but kept both of my hands in my pockets.
"I'm leaving.." I whispered barely enough for her to hear and just like that I walked away. There were no footsteps behind me but as I was walking towards the nearest exit I heard the people's whispers and giggled and the way they were looking at me.
Their laughing.
At me.
A guy pretended to bump into me
"Oops sorry sir, I mean ma'am, I mean it" The other group of kids started laughing. I still don't know why I agreed to come here in the first place
As I took my last final step towards the exit I took a glance back and saw Amelia gossiping with 2 of her friends.
That's how easy I'm replaced, instead of apologising or accepting me you can just run off with others. It's that easy.
I walked outside the street away from their hateful glares that burn holes into my skin
I'm never good enough and this is what I'm best at. Fucking walking alone.
YOU ARE READING
Trapped Inside My Own Mind
No FicciónA transgendered boy struggling with his daily life basis and trapped inside of his own mind trying to find his way out but it doesn't help that he lives in a homophobic country and society. [COMPLETED]
