Blood Relatives

9. Mehreen: 10th Jan 1994

"Don't you love me, Mehr? Don't you want to spend the rest of your life with me?" Victor shakes his head in disdain as he snaps these words at me.

Victor wants me to run away with him. He wants me to leave all of my life behind and just run away, so I could be with him.

Though, let us just be honest here, that is the literally the only option we had at the moment. Abbu absolutely hates his guts, Ammi has had no say in such things at any point in time in her life. Him not being a Sunni, in fact, not even a Muslim, is not much of a help in the prevailing situation.

"I do, sweety. Believe me, I do. But I am not exaggerating or overreacting when I mention that Abbu will KILL me and you if I ever even CONSIDER doing something like this. You certainly do not understand my situation."

I shudder each time I imagine that red stormy look on Abbu's face when he finds out that his precious little daughter has run away with an agnostic bloke, as a tear escapes my left eye and runs down my cheek.

I drop down with all my weight on the king-sized bed behind me in Victor's huge, '80s rock bands poster-laden bedroom, as I sigh. I could feel the soft maroon linen sheets below my right hand.

I keep my left hand on my slightly inflated tummy beneath the lose black Hijab. It often helps me keep my composure, knowing that I am practically never really alone, knowing that I always have something like a mute friend with me whenever I needed someone.

I start again, slowly this time with trembling lips and sweat building up beneath my Niqab, "you just know about the tip of the iceberg part above the water of what I go through every single day at my house. You have no idea how little my mother's voice and opinion matters at my house. And you do not understand how powerful my Abbu really is, politically and financially. If he wants us dead, he WILL make sure that we ARE positively dead."

"Fine, then go back to him. Let's see what he does when he finds out about this stupid mess that you have got yourself into ," Victor says in an elevated voice and points at my belly while he is still standing with his other hand on his waist, feet apart and tension creasing up his generally taut and narrow forehead.

"I HAVE MADE? Am I the only responsible for OUR baby now?" I cry out with my hand still on my belly, starting to feel nauseated at this point.

"If you think that even I am responsible and have a say in this and the future of our child, then let me take care of you. And take care of IT as well," he says while kneeling down in front of me, now composed while gently taking my palms in his.

"IT?!" I cry out again while freeing my hands from his.

"What am I supposed to call the foetus now, huh? We don't even know the gender yet. In fact, nobody does as of yet. You just missed a period and took a home pregnancy test, you're not that far along for it to even have a gender," he says while standing up again. He sighed and started again, "trust me, running away is all that we can do right now."

"But we haven't even graduated from high school yet. How are we going to handle all this alone? Aren't we too young to do this without adults?" I sigh again, this time feeling the weight on my shoulders and head getting heavier than before.

I close my eyes to just relax for a moment and escape reality. I was physically and mentally tired because of all these situations and additionally because of this little person taking in the nutrients that I have been taking in just for myself.

He looks at me and then sits down again, on his knees while looking into my eyes. He takes both of my hands in his, tenderly, and sighs.

"I will do anything in my capacity to give you and him or her, whatever, all that I can. Please Mehr, let us run away together, get married and settle down somewhere, away from here. You just have to trust me."