Short Stories

Disappointment

*TRIGGER WARNING*

EATING DISORDER TRIGGER WARNING

"I don't think it's anorexia," the first thing I heard when I walked into the dorm room. I glance up at my roommate and she's staring at me.

"What?" I imagine I look really confused at the moment, but none the less I sit down and hear what she has to say.

"In the mornings when I'm in the shower, normally after breakfast, if I had it that is, I have a strong urge to make myself barf." She looks nervous like she doesn't want to tell me but she doesn't know who to turn to. "At lunch, I thought it was because I was getting distracted, but today I noticed I kept looking at the lunch line and just ignored it." I glanced at her darting eyes, she looked so scared. "I don't think I'm starving myself to be skinny, I think it's to punish myself, I think it's because I'm so fed up with disappointing people. I just want to punish myself for being such a disappointment."

My eyes start to tear up as she continues to tell the way she's been feeling for who knows how long. "I'm scared that when I go back to the doctor, they'll notice my weight change. I'm scared that I'll disappoint my parents again, I'm scared that I can't do anything to stop it." She was sobbing at this point and I was close.

"I'm sorry I never noticed your pain... I should have, I should've noticed the 'I'm not hungry' and the 'Go without me'" I was truly sorry, I wish I could have saved her. She started to turn to dust before my eyes, I'm sorry.

-

My eyes start to open, it was a dream. No, it wasn't a dream, it was how I felt, how I lived day to day.