Everything I Am

Self Destruction Is Such A Pretty Little Thing

Dean breathed out softly as they met their second hour on the couch, Ryker had been crying since finding out Roman lied to her and if Dean wasn't trying his best to hold her together, he would have been pounding Reigns' face in

"Ry, pumpkin," Dean cooed gently and stroked her hair

"You're gonna drown in your tears if you don't stop crying." He said, trying to sound playful but Ryker just curled closer against Dean's chest

Dean frowned and kissed her head, hating the way her body was shaking with sobs against his muscled body

"I could stay awake, just to hear you breathing," Dean began, putting one hand behind her head and the other around her waist as he closed his eyes and crooned into her ear

"Watch you smile while you are sleeping, while you're far away and dreaming," Dean continued, kissing her hair and leaning his head against hers as he gently rocked them

"I could spend my life, in this sweet surrender, I could stay lost in this moment forever, cuz every moment spent with you, is a moment I treasure,"

"Don't wanna close my eyes, I don't wanna fall asleep cuz I'd miss you baby and I don't wanna miss a thing, even when I dream of you, the sweetest dream could never do, I'd still miss you baby, and I don't wanna miss a thing,"

Ryker had always loved the way Dean sang, his voice was deep and raspy and felt like waves crashing over her

"Lying close to you, I can feel your heart beating, and I'm wondering what you're dreaming. Wondering if it's me you're seeing, then I kiss your eyes and thank god we're together, I just want to stay with you in the moment forever, forever and ever," Dean was about to continue, but Ryker had gone lax against him and he sighed and continued humming gently against her hair

When Ryker awoke next morning, she was still asleep on Dean's chest, speaking of Dean, god bless him, was leaning against the headboard, neck at a really bad angle but he still held her close and had his arms around her

"I love you," she whispered, kissing Dean's cheek and getting up to get ready for class

She looked at her class today and felt like dying, she had class with him. The guy who broke her heart.

She sighed and wrote a little note on a Post-It and then stuck it to Dean's forehead before she left

She walked into class when mostly everyone was already in class, she made eye contact with Roman as she passed him to go to her seat and she just looked away and sat down

"She hates me," Roman said to Seth who was next to him

"I don't blame her," Seth replied, not meeting his eyes

"Seth-" Roman groaned, letting his head plop on the table

"Why'd you lie man?" Seth asked and Roman looked at him and sighed, rubbing his temples

"I just- I'm scared man," Roman admitted and Seth's eyebrows furrowed

"Scared of what?" Seth asked and Roman chewed on his bottom lip nervously

"The only woman I've ever been with was Galina you know? And it's different with Ryker, I know almost everything about Galina, I know nothing about Ryker, she's the most beautiful girl I've ever seen and-" Roman began tearing up

"So what you heard from Kev and the guys doesn't have anything to do with it?" Seth asked, raising an eyebrow and Roman wanted to kill him for always reading his goddamn mind

"It's not that I think she's a slut or anything but it just makes me know that she could have her pick of men and she went after me, a nerd who has insecurity and daddy issues, who can't ever make a decision that's against my dad's word. I'm never gonna be good enough for anyone. Definitely not Ryker." Roman said, baring all his thoughts to Seth who sat there dumbfounded, before he cleared his throat

"You say you don't know anything about Ryker, what's the one thing you do know Ro?" He asked and Roman bit his lip

He thought about how she smiles when he kisses her and how her eyes looked when she caught him in the diner, how she touches him, and respects him and how she-

"She loves me," Roman replied and Seth grinned, bingo

"She's crazy about you man," Seth replied and Roman sighed and let his head fall into his hands

"How do I always fuck this up?" He asked and Seth smiled

"Cuz this is new to you, listen Ro-" Seth said, making sure the lecturer wasn't looking before he spoke again

"Love is never supposed to be easy, and it definitely isn't supposed to make you feel safe. It's supposed to hurt you and throw you for a loop, but when you find the right person, all the fights and heartbreak will be worth it, I promise," Seth said and they both glanced at where Ryker was writing down something

"I should talk to her," Roman said with a sigh and Seth nodded

"Not right now though," Seth said and Roman looked at him in confusion and Seth jerked his head to the door and he could see Dean standing outside the door waiting for the class to be over as he stared at his watch

"I can only imagine that he's not exactly your biggest fan right now," Seth said and Roman nodded, he can only imagine how much Ambrose wanted to skin him and sell his meat to a butcher, that wasn't a wasp's nest he wanted to stick his dick into

When the class was over, Roman and Seth watched Ryker hurry to where Dean was, resting her head against the crook of his neck. Dean met Roman's eyes and gave him a look that spelled homicide

Dean watched Ryker lay sadly on the floor, he was making dinner while she moped

"Pumpkin, get off the floor," he said, going over and picking her up, then he put her on the couch and sat down by her hip, he ran his fingers through her soft hair

"Some days, when I see you like this, I remember when I was crying bullets on your lap and I wondered how you felt when you saw me like that," Dean began

"I wish I never thought that, because seeing you like this now kills me, every ounce of pain in your heart? I'm feeling it all over my body, it's killing me to watch you self destruct," he admitted

"Self destruction is such a pretty little thing," she replied and Dean sighed and made a move to get up but Ryker grabbed his hand and pulled him back

Dean's eyes widened with surprise as Ryker's lips met his, he gasped and she pushed her tongue passed his lips and he moaned, closing his eyes and wrapping his arms around her as she laid back down, but before it could get heated, Ryker pulled away and leaned her forehead against Dean's, panting

"Thank you," she whispered

"For what?" Dean asked, eyes still closed

"For being here with me, I love you so much," she admitted and Dean knew what she meant

"Always, I love you too Ry," he replied, kissing her forehead and they just stayed in each other's space for a little while longer.

Roman stared at the wall in his room for a long time, Seth was just watching him, he sighed as Roman blinked.

"Ro-" Seth began before his eyes caught on to where pages from Roman's song book flew out

He rolled over in his chair and picked them up, he skimmed through what Roman had written and Seth gasped. This was perfect!

"I got an idea,"

Roman opened his eyes and looked at Seth, sitting up and waiting. Seth told him his foolproof plan and Roman grinned. He needed to fix this. Ryker meant too much to him.