my dark past

living in fear #2

A few days into school I finally make some friends...well two...but that's enough for me...not long after being there I catch feelings for one of them...strong feelings but I was also afraid of him.

My friend yells my name as I zone out deep in thought

"Ana!!!" He yells

"Huh?" I reply

"Who are you staring at?" He asks

"N-no one!" I say

Even he knew it was a lie my feelings for our friend were very obvious...I just didn't want him to notice...so I kept it hidden to be honest I had feelings for him ever since I started public schooling again but I was too scared to talk to him...I thought maybe he'd think I was weird but he was always sitting alone...

I admired him from afar asking myself

"Why is he always alone...?" I ask myself

Then the next day my friend came up to me and that's when I started to hangout with him...more...he never really talked to me I thought he wouldn't be my friend...

"He doesn't like me.."

"Why doesn't he talk to me?"

"Why...why does it hurt...?"

I'd always overthink it to the point where I would actually cry I don't understand why it hurts i hated it but i loved him...could he of liked someone else? Did he had a girlfriend already? I run through all the possibilities in my mind...

"Why should I even try...?" I ask myself

I was always so shy and I never really talked much...he never wanted to sit by me...maybe he thought I was weird...

I just hoped I'd get a chance with him...but I couldnt see it happening and that...hurt...