Upon realising I was well and truly fucked, I decided there was no reason to just sit there and die (to be completely honest I kinda like living). I majestically flopped my way down the worn and weary path with the hope that I would eventually find civilisation. But suddenly without warning I heard a loud and sharp " WOOTINI!" followed by what I knew was a tribal horn however it did sound a bit like Jhonny Vegas after eating a few too many Brussels sprouts. And then the noise I had grown to fear echoed throughout the forest. The noise that made children turn and run for their very lives to tell their parent that they had gleefully learnt a naughty word. "EAT SHIT". I knew what was coming but I couldn't for the life of me find the target . I realised too late. It was me!
I looked up for some divine enlightenment but to my dismay the sun had been blocked by a dark brown, messy and undesirable cloud of fesses. I dived behind a large and ample boulder milliseconds before the flood of anal discharge bombarded the ground around me. There was no escape this time. One of these crazed mainiacs, sure I could take that bastard by sneezing. but a herd of shit lobbing loonies? I'm not sure if I had the guts, the good or even the nose to take them on.
The bombardment continued. The ground around me was caped in shyte. It was only then I noticed a hooded girl stood within the trees beckoning me towards her. She seemed so mysterious yet at the same time lovingly affectionate and almost dreamy. I snuck away into the trees blending in to the shit as I crawled desperately to her. She spoke not a word but grabbed my hand and without so much as a glimpse at her face...
We ran!
YOU ARE READING
50 Shades of Walrus
FanfictionI have only finished the first chapter so far and would be grateful for any comments. This is a work in progress and will not be finished for some time