A Lonely Path

Chapter 1 - Big Girls Don't Cry

It took me fainting for things to change.
Two years later and I'm still trying to move on. Live the life I never really had.
At first my mum was in shock. Then she was sad, and angry. Sad that a child of hers had to go through what I did and angry that she was not able to stop it from happening. Surprisingly I think Aubrey had it the worst. She always wanted to be there for me, to protect me and she felt like she had failed. She didn't fail to me. I couldn't have asked for another sister. I've always wanted to be like her. I don't believe it is possible to be perfect but if anybody could be perfect I think Aubrey would be perfect. She was beautiful, everybody loved her; teachers, people at school, everybody! Plus she was extremely smart.
I've never been popular at school but after word got out about what happened to me I was practically invisible. I didn't mind. I liked being on my own, living in my own world. I spent almost all my breaks sitting under a tree reading a book or listening to music just meditating. Sometimes as I sat there I had flash backs of that night. Of his hands on me, his mouth doing things to me I didn't want him to do. It was frightening but I always quickly tried to get it out of my mind but it was difficult when there was nothing better to think about. Anyway that's the past, I should be thinking about moving on.
Summer holiday was coming to a close. I didn't really feel like summer here in Sherborne. It was always really rainy. I was lying in my bed doing what I always do; reading a book. The perks of being a wallflower has always been a favourite.
Aubrey was in her bed at the other side of the room reading a biology textbook while talking to her boyfriend Nick on the phone. That girl can multitask! I didn't really like Nick, I don't know why but I didn't. But hey it's not for me to like him. Soon the smile on her face turned into a pout. If he hurts her God knows what would happen to him.
I focused on my book. Drifting into the life of Charlie and his friends, when Aubrey came and cuddled into me on my bed. "I love you Kylie." she whispered.
"I love you too. Forever and always."
"Forever and always."
"I see you guys are having fun." My mother said walking into the room and taking in our positions.
"Hey mum. How's it going?" Aubrey and my mum always spoke very casually. I don't think we have that relationship. At least not yet.
"Girls. I have something to speak to you about...."
I could feel the tension in the air. I don't know why I felt so nervous, maybe its because I had no idea what she was going to say. My mum does not really surprise me so the fact that I did not know what was about to happen rattled me a bit.
"So...I was thinking we should make a fresh start. A new place. I think it will make it easier to move on from all that's been happening. We're going to move. Away. Far away."
Aubrey gulped trying to hold back tears. "What? No. We can't be leaving. All my friends are here, fuck it, Nick is here!"
I rubbed her shoulders trying to make her feel better. I couldn't help feeling selfish. I know Aubrey was sad and she really didn't want to go but I was ecstatic. This could be my chance to a new life, as my mum said, a new start. I really wanted a change.
"Aubrey I think this is what is best. For all of us." My mum started, her voice filled with regret. "My mother has a house in London. It's big enough for all of us. You'd start school there. Trust me once we leave it will all feel normal. You will get used to it. I promise."
Aubrey started to get excited. I guess the idea of living in London got her excited.
My mum left us to take in what she had just said. I was always a dreamer and my head was filling with dreams of what my life could be. I couldn't wait to get started to leave. On a scale of 1 to 10 of excitement I was 20.
I pulled out my suitcase from underneath my bed and started packing up the last seventeen years of my life. I have to say it was very easy, I was happy to be leaving.
As Aubrey and I went about our packing she found things, things from the past that brought back some happy memories of my childhood.
A picture of us in the park with my dad when we were younger and still oblivious to all of life's difficulties.
A t-shirt that Aubrey wore to sleep on the night she first had sex with Nick and we talked the whole night, giggling like normal teenagers. Except we're not normal teenagers. Aubrey and I laughed remembering all the fond memories. Then she picked something else up. An old pair of earphones. It probably didn't mean anything to Aubrey but it meant so much to me. It brought back many bad memories. She could tell by the look on my face that I was upset.
"Kylie, what's wrong?" she asked her voice filled with concern.
"Those are the earphones I was using the night it happened." I said tears welling up in my eyes. We always referred to that last night as the night it happened. I don't know why, but it felt right. Almost like in Harry Potter calling Voldemort, 'He who shall not be named'.
Her heart reached out to me and I know she hurt the way I did. She didn't go through what I did herself but she loved me so much that she hated that it happened to me. She hugged me and we sat on her bed for a while just holding on to each other and not wanting to let go. It felt nice to be in her arms and feel the warmth of her body when my heart felt so cold. I wish I could have Aubrey forever because I don't know what I would do without her. When I had nightmares of the night or was ever feeling down she was there in a way my mother could never be there for me. I didn't blame my mother for what happened but I don't think we could ever have the same relationship Aubrey and I had. When everyone else in school rejected me when news of what happened to me got to them she stood by my side. She was everything I always wished I could be.
A week later we were putting suitcases in the car, ready to take the drive that would change all our lives. Hopefully for the better.
It was a very long drive into London. Aubrey and I slept all the way. After all the excitement of going to the city we didn't sleep all night and we were so tired. I woke up to the bright and beautiful lights of London. I loved being in the city. I think that's one of the reasons I always wanted to leave, deep down I was always a city girl. I admired the bright colours for a while.
The passing red buses, the lights on the London eye, the architecture of Buckingham palace. It was all so stunning. I shook Aubrey to wake her up. She woke with a smile on her face when she realised where we were. It was night and very dark. The best time for us to be there I thought. After about twenty minutes in London traffic we got to my Grandma's house. We pulled up in front of a big building with large French windows. It looked modern yet like there was history to it. I loved it.
The door opened up and a woman walked out. I couldn't believe that was my grandma, she looked so young. I had never seen her before so I was surprised. She had long wavy brown hair and flawless brown skin apart from a few wrinkles. She smiled a wide smile and came to welcome her.
"You will not remember me, but I know you." She seemed genuinely happy to see us.
"Hi mum." My mum said happy to see her mum again. It never occurred to me that my mum never really saw anyone apart from us.
Gran took us into the house and I just couldn't help it. It was amazing. We stood in the entrance that had a beautiful abstract painting on the wall. It probably wouldn't be amazing for most people but I'd never seen anything like it before. The walls actually looked like they had been painted recently.
"It's beautiful gran." Aubrey said in awe, expressing my exact thoughts.
"Oh stop it, this is nothing. I'll show you to your rooms." But it was everything to me.
Just when I thought it couldn't get better I saw my room. It was a bit plain but I was sure once I put posters up it would feel more homely. I could just feel everything in my life finally coming together. It was painted a sky blue, it wasn't my favourite colour but I could live with it. The room was bigger than the one Aubrey and I used to share. I moved to drop my bag on the bed.
"Wait. Where's Aubrey's bed?"
"Oh. Aubrey's room is just the next door over."
"Sweet! I get my own room!"
"What do you mean? I'm not sharing with Aubrey? We've never not shared a room." I was a bit upset. I didn't know if I could do it, not sharing a room with her but I had to be strong for her. She always tried to make me happy and now I would try and do the same for her.
She went with gran to the next room and started unpacking.
The first thing I unpacked was my music player. Music was like air to me I needed it. I had already gone very long without music. I danced around my room while putting my books on the shelf. I would need to tell gran to get another bookshelf, I had too many books.
I took a break from packing and went into Aubrey's room. She had barely done any unpacking. All I saw was that she had put up posters all around the room. Basically posters of the opposite of what would be on my walls. 'Hot boys', Justin Bieber, all her favourite musicians. I was speechless. She didn't even notice me there.
"You put Justin Bieber on your wall?! Do you actually want to see his face each time you're in your room?"
She turned to shush me. I suddenly realised she was on the phone.
"Yeah I don't know how I'll live without you either."
I realised she was talking to Nick. I really did not have a good feeling about this. However I never said anything. She was happy and that was all that mattered. I walked over to her and kissed her forehead. "Goodnight" I whispered. She smiled at me and I knew she would always want the same for me.
I went to my room and settled down in my bed thinking of which book to read before I slept that night. I never even got to pick one from my vast collection. I was out like a lamp, dreaming of the life I was hoping would start when I woke up the next morning.