To Shout Fire From The Heart

Chapter II

My home smells familiar. Memories of scraped knees and laughing at the television over some dumb jokes. I go to my room, knowing that it is the safest place that I could ever be in if a storm came. A storm I was not prepared for. I put my things away neat and tidy, ready to be used for the next time I need them.

"Knock Knock." My gramma said as she stands in the thresh hold of my door. Not wanting to inter in the peace that I have built over the years. The words themselves were weak and shy. I did not want her to inter, but the voice in my head wanted to know what was happening and the other wanted to be held.

"Come in." I spoke. I wanted to know why she took me out of school, and to know where her son was. Painful thoughts to digest. Painful, what ifs?

"I think you need to sit for this." Her gaze was right at mine when she said it.

Collapsing to my bed, sheets that I sleep in, and who I tell all my secrets to as if they were human. As if they were my only friend that I trust such information too.

"Your father had a heart attack." Her voice was quivering, and she was trying to hold back tears. "We will see him in the hospital later today." Her heart must have chipped when she said those words. A kind old woman told her granddaughter that her son was in the hospital. I tried not to fall into my emotions like she did, but to be honest I did not know what I was feeling. A stoned face is what she most of seen.

"Ok." I was not surprised. This is not that shocking. This would be the second heart attack that he had. The first time was when mom was still around. When I was younger. When I could still see her face, but now only a hate full blur covers what I remember. My eyes close and I try to force myself to see what my mind is trying to hide. What I did not want to see.

We were at a dinner that was next to the house where we lived. Back then I only remember smiles and the smell of grease sizzling in the background.

"What are you going to have honey?" My mom said glee fully.

"I don't know maybe eggs Benedict with a side of toast." Dad said with the morning tone, like sandpaper rubbing up against itself. In the morning it is always like that. The quietness and its sounds. When it hits your ears, it feels as though a person was stomping in your ear drums.

I hated it.

"What are you going to have Abby?" She said it as though it was the most interesting thing that she will ever hear in her life. I was only nine at the time. It was summer and the morning sun had not warmed up the land yet, so there was chilliness in the air.

The server saw our empty table and walked towards us. I was eager to tell her what I wanted.

"Hi, I'm Susan and what will you be having this morning?" She asked. We answered.

"Oh, may I have eggs Benedict with a side of toast and a cup of coffee." Dad said as he looked back and forth from the menu and the server standing at the end of the table. Back then he had no beard and a five-o clock shadow. His eyes were honey brown in the sun, and his hair was combed to one side.

"And for you Hun?" She looked at my mom with her head coked to the side like a dog.

"Ah yes may I have the number five with a cup of coffee too?" She said, looking right in the eye. The amount of confidence she had was what I admired in her at the time. I studied her face when she said it. Cool and claim. Her blond hair was pushed back behind her ears and her face had a soft feel for it. Some might say angelic. Her skin was as white as porcelain and her blue eyes complemented it all.

"And for you little one?" She looked at me with the paper and pin close to her chest that she had been scribbling down in for the past minute.

"I would like pancakes please" I said with the enthusiasm of a rabbit.

"And to drink?" She asked.

"Milk!" I said in response.

"Okay then your order will be out real soon, okay." She wrote the rest of the order down and walked off to the counter.

Mom looked at dad with a kind look in her eyes. I missed those eyes. I looked over at dad and the next thing that I knew was that he grabbed his chest and started coughing. He tried to get out of the red rubber booth, but as soon as he stood his legs gave way. The way he feels is something I will all ways remember. It was like a mattress falling if you were to stand it up on one side.

Mom got out of the booth to see what had happened, holding dad in her arms. His face. A second ago it was so happy and peaceful. Now all I saw was fear and terror. How a face can change in an instant. Someone called an ambulance, for the next thing that happened, I saw them carry him off in a gurney. I stood by my mom as we looked outside the diner.