Just for the Summer (TodoBakuDeku)

Chapter 21

Izuku's POV~

Neither of them were back for the rest of the week. I tried to text them and call, but they never answered or responded. I was driving myself crazy with worry. I assumed their were both at their respective homes, but I had no idea what was happening with either of them. My imagination tried to fill in the holes, but that just made it even worse.

Finally, by the beginning of the next school week, they were both back.

Kacchan wouldn't even look at me or Shoto. He avoided us like the plague, which is even worse than him yelling at me. At least then he acknowledged me.

Shoto had new bruises. He had another black eye and a busted lip. I also knew he had another burn on his wrist. His sleeve had ridden up just long enough for me to see it.

Shoto was avoiding me as well. Neither of them seemed to even see me or each other. I knew it had something to with their parents. None of them seemed happy in the slightest for us. I knew that they would have to find out eventually, and that it wouldn't be easy for us, but I thought we'd be able to get through it. I thought we would struggle, cry, fight, but in the end, stay with each other. I thought we'd work together to be happy.

I thought they'd try, and I knew that wasn't fair to them. I knew that I couldn't even imagine what happened to each of them when they were home. I knew I was being selfish. I knew that.

But I thought I knew that we loved each other. I knew that if I was in their shoes, I wouldn't have stopped loving them. I wouldn't have backed down as quick. I would have walked through hell to get back to them.

Maybe they just didn't love me as much as I loved them.

That was just a fact I'd have to get used to. There wasn't anything I could do to change it. You can't make someone love you if they just... don't. No matter how much it hurts to not be with them, if they aren't willing to try, there's no point.

Even with coming to terms with the fact we couldn't be together  anymore, it didn't dull the pain. I had been glued to them for months, and now suddenly they were ripped away from my grasp.

Knowing how hard it was for me, only made me think about how hard it was for them.

Kacchan had to be waking up every night with nightmares, completely alone. Being pushed into panic attacks, thinking he was abandoned. After what happened when he was kidnapped, he just couldn't be alone without fear completely consuming him. It was like that even before Shoto and I came along, we just hadn't realized it until then.

Shoto just wouldn't be sleeping. He had insomnia and the only way he ever got a wink of sleep, was when Kacchan and I forced him to while we all laid together. After his rough childhood, he couldn't stand the thought of being alone either. Being alone and so defenseless while he tried to sleep. The anxiety of it kept him awake.

I was sitting in class, right behind Kacchan, the closest I had been to him in over a week. I had to think of a plan. I knew that if they just truly didn't love me or each other enough to try, it was hopeless, but I couldn't know that for sure. I didn't know what happened when they both disappeared, or what had been happening before all of this. I didn't have the right to say they just gave up that easily. I guess I had figured that out by then.

I knew that the... calmest... way to go, would be to talk to Shoto first. The worst case scenario with him, would be that he ignored me, brushed me off, or said something hurtful. With Kacchan, it could actually get violent. I knew he wouldn't hurt me intentionally, but right now he was overly stressed and anxious, keeping it all inside and bottling it up. The smallest tap could make him explode and do something he'd regret.

Knowing that, I still went with Kacchan first. He was just the easiest to catch. Shoto wasn't staying at the dorms anymore, so I could only talk to him during school hours, which wouldn't work. I could find Kacchan back at the dorms most nights.

After the bell rang, dismissing us for the rest of the day, both of them booked it out of the room. Kacchan was gone first, and Shoto soon after. I sighed at the sight, but grabbed my stuff and headed to the dorms.

I dropped my bag off at my own dorm and changed out of my school uniform. I had thrown on a hoodie and a pair of jeans, not really caring which ones they were. I was in a rush. The longer I waited, the more the anxiety built.

I quickly walked to Kacchan's room, knowing he'd be there. He rarely left his dorm after school now. I didn't know if he was avoiding  everyone, or just me in particular.

I knocked lightly on his door, shaking from my own nerves. I didn't know if he'd even answer. I didn't know what I'd do if he did.

The door abruptly swung open seconds later. Time to improvise.

At the sight of me, obviously freaking out, Kacchan's eyebrows raised in surprise. After Shoto and him got back to school, I knew that they didn't want to talk to me, so I stayed away. I guess he didn't realize that even I had a limit.

"K-kacchan-" I started, but I was cut off by him wincing.

"Please... just don't..." He said, moving backwards into his dorm, just a centimeter or so.

"But Kacchan-"

"God, don't fucking call me that. Please." He said, looking close to breaking down, which only pushed me to do the same. I couldn't stand the sight of seeing him or Shoto look that sad and defeated.

"I-I've never called you anything else." I pointed out softly. I didn't know what I was getting at with that statement, I was honestly just buying time. Talking to him, even like this, was something to savor. I just wanted to hear his voice.

"There's a first time for everything." He said back, not making eye contact. He was looking at the ground, clearly uncomfortable.

I took a deep breath. I wasn't sure how the rest of this conversation would go, but I knew it would definitely get worse before it got better. "I just- I wanted to talk to you- about everything. I don't know-"

"Exactly, you don't know. Just leave it alone, you'll make it worse." He said, venom suddenly entering his voice.

It caused me to flinch. "I don't know what happened with your parents, but I want to help you, Kacchan. You and Shoto both. I love you-"

"That's the problem!" He said, cutting me off. I looked up at him, stunned and a bit confused.

"You love us. That's the problem. I can't- I can't love you." He said, his voice getting quieter. My eyes widened as he kept talking, after taking in a deep breath. "I-I-I never did. I never actually loved either of you." He took a deep breath, finally looking me in the eye. He had a scowl on his face, but his eyes didn't hold anger or hatred, but something else. I just wasn't sure what. "I can't love you. You're just... a Deku." He spat at me, managing to break my heart in half, throw it on the floor, and stomp on it until it was nothing but dust.

I felt the tears start to enter my eyes as I tried to grasp what he was telling me. "I-I don't- I don't understand- " He cut me off.

"Of course you don't, you're to fucking stupid to get it. I. don't. love. you. and. I. never. did." He said slow and cold. Each word felt like getting stabbed right in the gut.

I didn't know what to do. I didn't' know what to say.

So I ran.