Just for the Summer (TodoBakuDeku)

Chapter 23

Third Person~

Katsuki was falling apart. He couldn't stand the fact that he had just demolished Izuku's heart. He knew that one of the people he loved was breaking, splintering, and he was the cause.

But he did it for a reason. It would hurt, it would hurt like hell, but if Izuku thought that Katsuki never loved him, maybe it'll be easier to move on. Easier to find someone worth it. Someone who could love him better than Katsuki could.

He was leaned against his door, knees to his chest, trying his damn hardest to not let tears fall. He had spent so much of his life holding back the tears, that he didn't find it as difficult as one would imagine. He was skilled in the art of going numb, turning his emotions off and just simply breathing.

A knock on his door made him come slamming through the roof and back into reality. He knew he should answer it, but he wasn't sure he could. He didn't have the energy or motivation to get up, let alone face someone.

"Katsuki, I swear to god, if you don't open this door, I'll break it down." Shoto's voice could be heard, muffled by the door. Katsuki felt his eyes start to water at the sound. He sounded mad. There was no doubt in his mind that he found out what he had said to Izuku.

Knowing that the duel haired boy wasn't bluffing, he managed to pulled himself up with the help of the door handle. He twisted the handle, a little afraid of what was awaiting him on the other side. More heart break.

"You're an ass." Shoto said, walking past him and into his room. He didn't want to risk staying in the hall and having someone see them. He didn't think anyone would run to his father on purpose, but he had a pretty strong feeling that if someone saw, his father would eventually find out.

"Thank you for stating the obvious." Katsuki said sarcastically, shutting the door as he realized he wouldn't be getting rid of Shoto without talking to him first.

Shoto was standing in the middle of his room, his arms crossed, and his eyes wondering around. The place was a mess, very unusual for Katsuki. Eventually his gaze made it's way to the blonde boy, who was looking anywhere but at him. He looked impossibly guilty.

"Why'd you do it?" Shoto finally spoke up.

Katsuki looked up at him, "Do what?"

"Why'd you lie to Izuku?" He clarified, even though he was sure that Katsuki was just playing dumb. He knew exactly why he risked so much by showing up at his room. Izuku was breaking, and Katsuki was the reason for it.

"I didn't lie to him." Katsuki said casually, trying to play it off. He needed to convince Shoto, which would be infinitely more difficult that Izuku. The poor boy was to trusting and gullibly.

Shoto sighed. He knew it would be a challenge to get him to openly talk to him, but he really wasn't in the mood to have this conversation. He just wished Katsuki would have given in right away so they could get it over with.

"Kat, he was balling his eyes out because you told him you never loved him. Why did you lie?" Shoto asked again. He wasn't going to feed into his lie and even pretend like he believed it for a second. He would just keep asking until he got an actual answer.

"Why the hell would I care if he was crying? I don't love him and I don't love you, I never did. I was just bored over the summer. It was just an experiment. A game." Katsuki said, lying through his teeth. Anyone could see it, besides maybe Izuku. Shoto knew though.

"Stop fucking doing that." He exasperated. "Stop lying to me, Izuku, and yourself. If you're trying to minimalize the damage by saying that stuff, you aren't. You're making it worse." Shoto said. He ran a hand absently through his own hair. "You don't understand just how absolutely shattered he is right now. He ran into me and fell to the ground and just stayed there sobbing."

Katsuki tried so hard to not react to what Shoto was saying, but his eyes were starting to give him away. He may be a master at hiding his feelings, but he had spent months with Shoto. He had learned exactly how to read him, even when he tried his hardest to hide himself.

"I'm not fucking lying! I don't love either of you and I never have. How the hell could I? You're just a pile of fucking daddy issues, and Deku is just that, a Deku. He's weak and completely worthless. How could I possibly love that?" Shoto's breath hitched at Katsuki's words. He could see the hatred burning in his eyes, but it wasn't hatred for him or Izuku. Katsuki hated himself.

Shoto marched right up to him and grabbed the front of his shirt, slamming him into the wall and holding him there. "You can say whatever the hell you need to about me to make yourself feel better, I don't give a shit, but say anything like that about Izuku again, and I'll beat some sense into you." Shoto snarled. Katsuki wasn't even upset by his words. He almost wished he just would, he felt like he deserved it. "I don't care what you're going through, how hard life is for you right now, I don't care about any of it. None of it is his fault. He's done nothing but love us and be there for us this entire time. He has done nothing to deserve the absolute pain and misery you're putting him through right now."

"You either buck the fuck up and let him love you, or you stay the hell out of his life."

Katsuki's eyes had started to fill with tears at his words. He had two choices, and he'd already decided. "What the hell do you think I'm trying to do?!" He shouted in Shoto's face, startling the taller boy.

"I told him all that shit so that he'd stay away from me. So that he'd move on and forget about me. Do you think I like knowing I'm the reason he's fucking destroyed inside? Do you think that little of me?" Katsuki asked him, a single tear managing to fall. He quickly wiped it away, hoping that Shoto wouldn't notice.

Of course he did, but he didn't say anything about it. He was already pushing far enough.

He let out a breath of air he had been holding during Katsuki's small rant. "Of course I don't, Kat. I never did." He loosened his grip on him, so his hand was just resting on his chest. "But you can't seriously think that this is the best course of action."

"Why the hell not? You're doing the same thing." Katsuki shot back.

Shoto reeled back. "No the hell I'm not. Never once did I tell either of you I didn't love you. I'm avoiding you both. I'm doing it because my father threatened your god damn lives. I'm only doing it until I can figure out a game plan. I'm avoiding, not destroying." Shoto explained.

Katsuki rolled his eyes. "Same difference."

"I repeat, no the hell it isn't. This isn't a permanent solution. It's temporary for me. As soon as I figured out what to do about my bastard of a father, I was going to go right back to you both. I wasn't going to give up." Shoto said, albeit there was just a tinge of bitterness in his voice.

Katsuki didn't say anything else. He was still beating himself up for hurting them, but mainly Izuku. He knew Shoto wasn't really hurt, just annoyed. Izuku on the other hand, was devastated.

He knew he needed to fix his fuck up.

"So what's your plan then?"