dawn // n.h.

chapter ten

It's been 3 months with Chad and yesterday he said he loved me.

It was magical but I was so guilty when I didn't return the phrase.

I couldn't.

After saying I love you he'll try to kiss me.

I have philemaphobia- fear of kissing.

It's hard to explain why I fear it, after all kissing is a simple touch of a body part to someone else's.

Maybe it was because it seems so raw and too real.

People express emotions through kissing and I'm not fond of expressing my emotions.

The thought of me kissing someone scared me to death and I can already feel myself start to breathe heavily.

I decided to visit Niall and talk to him about it.

"Ni?" I lightly yelled knocking twice.

"Comin'" I heard his Irish voice mutter.

He swung the door open and revealed himself wearing a sweater and sweatpants, hair flat on his head.

He opened it further allowing me in.

I took my usual spot on the couch and waited for him to sit aswell.

"What's wrong?" He asked as he sat down slowly.

"Well yesterday Chad said he loved me." I said biting my lip.

"That's not a good thing?" He questioned, brows furrowed.

"I guess it is but I have this fear.."

"Which is?"

"Philemaphobia."

"What does that mean?"

"Fear of k-kissing." I stuttered.

"So you're scared he'll kiss you because you said your 'I love you's?"

"Yes." I nodded my cheeks heating up from embarrassment.

"Tell him." He stated simply as if it was no big deal.

"Excuse me?"

"Tell him you have philamaphobia or whatever. He should understand."

"Philemaphobia." I corrected him.

He responded with a joking roll of his eyes.

"It's not easy. What if he breaks up with me because we can't share a simple kiss."

"He needs to respect your boundaries, Eden."

Everytime someone calls me that it's like a knife is being stabbed into my chest and it twists.

I hate lying but now it's a habit when I meet new people.

"Okay." I breathed out, "thanks, ni." I gave him a big hug.

"No problem." He smiled. "Do you want some bacon?" He asked me.

"Niall it's 2 p.m. Bacon is a breakfast food."

"Psh! Bacon is an anytime food in my book." He scoffed.

"Well your book is irrelevant." I sassily remarked.

"Maybe, but to me bacon is life, love it or leave it."

"Eh I'm hungry." I grinned at him before helping him lay the raw pieces on the stove to fry.

2 hours later

after Niall and I burnt the bacon and ended up ordering Chinese, he said he had to go to the diner to sing again.

I am currently curling my blue hair and primping for tonight.

Chad called about 30 minutes ago and asked if I wanted to have dinner at his house.

I am kinda nervous about it because his mom may be there and Mark will probably be there too.

He said to dress casual so I was wearing a leather jacket with studs and my ripped jeans.

My ignorant hair would cooperate with me and kept getting frizzy.

"I swear it never curls for the love of Christ." I mumbled to myself.

Maybe it's because I can't afford a nice curler but this one should work at least a little.

"Screw it." I breathed out with a huff.

I ended up throwing it up in a ponytail with a teased bump in the front.

I applied red lipstick before checking the time.

5:26 p.m.

He said he would come at 5:30 to get me and that he'd come to my room.

I spritzed my perfume onto my neck and wrists before slipping on black boots and grabbing my phone and key.

I plopped on my bed with a loud sigh.

Maybe he is running late and I can take a nap.

I began to close my eyes and as I was about to drift off into slumber there was a knock at my door.

With a loud groan I stood up and dusted myself off before opening the door with a smile.

There Chad stood with a green button up and khaki pants, hair spiked up in the front.

He wore an excited smile on his face.

"Hello, darling." He greeted reaching his hand out for me to take.

I gladly took his warm hand in my, probably cold, one.

I shut the door before he led me to his nice car.

Maybe tonight will be fun.

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Short I know but it's kinda a filler so sorry

I may double update today so be ready ;)

Shoutout to Emma for being fab and reading my book and actually liking it because I don't like it

Also picture of Eden to the side :*