Good lord, our relationship is confusing. Actually, it's probably not as bad as I make it out to be. I always have so much anxiety about our relationship. Most of the time I feel like you hate me. But I know that you don't, you love me and care for me a lot. It's just not in the way I want to be loved and cared for. I guess that's the problem. I want something from you that you are never going to give me. I don't think I'll stop wanting it from you until I find someone who gives it to me without question. Like I do for you. Everyone judges me for it. They don't understand why or how I could care for you this much when you don't feel the same way. The only explanation I can give them is that you need love. You need to be loved in this way, everyone does. I have always cared a great deal about you ever since I met you. I wanted to know if you were okay, mentally and physically. I wanted to know where you were and who you were with, just to make sure you weren't hurt. I hate expressing my love for you in front of other people. They all think I'm crazy. I don't understand what could be so bad about caring for someone even if they don't care the same way about you. Isn't that what we are supposed to do as Christians? We are supposed to love people, regardless of how they treat us. We are supposed to be the good Samaritan and help others in their time of need. I guess that he meant when he said that you will suffer for me. People laugh at you when you try to be Christlike. Being selfless in the way Jesus was is against human nature and seems wrong to those who do not understand. What is so wrong with loving you? Many people have told me to give up. They've told me to walk away and that you're not worth my time and effort. Never once have I listened to them, so you're welcome. You are good for me in a way I can't explain. I feel like my problems with you don't stem from God but from the devil. I feel like you are good for me and the devil is trying with all his power to split us up in some way. There have been times when I hate you and I feel like leaving our relationship. But those feelings have never stuck around for long. Also I've never been able to leave. "Just love him" is one of the answers God has given me about you. I ask God what I am supposed to be doing with you and the only answer he gives me is to just love you. I don't know why and I don't know the outcome, but I will love you until the day God tells me to stop. We have so many problems because we are good for each other. I just need to find some chill.
