I Never Thought That I'd Love the Color Yellow So Much (But Then I Met You)

I'm Not Okay

Shinsou POV

I wake up at 6 am from my alarm clock. At least I would've been woken up if it wasn't for the fact that I was already awake. You see, I was recovering from a bad nightmare. I get these bad nightmares where everyone bullied me and hated me because I'm gay, which I know wouldn't happen because no one knows. It's not by choice though, but because I don't have any close enough friends.
Another reason would be because most of the people in my school wouldn't go coocoo bananas over me being gay, but they also wouldn't really accept me either. There are a few Christian people at my school, but they're chill. The people who I wouldave to worry about would be some of the jocks. Having toxic masculinity forced upon you by your parents makes anything even a little unmanly seem horrible. I don't hate them for that reason. I get wanting to go out of your way to please your parents.

Enough of that, I have to go to school.

I head to school and make it to class 1-C just before the bell rings. I'm a first year at Yuuei high, one of the best schools in Japan. It is famous for it's success rate found in students across all subjects. The people who know what they're going to do in life take their place in classes A and B, while people who haven't figured it out yet learn a little about everything in general studies, like me.

The teacher walks in and immediately starts the lesson we're having this unit; psychology. It's pretty interesting to me, so I pay attention the whole class. I like the idea of psychology because the idea of being able to manipulate the mind fascinates me.

The bell rings in time for lunch, so I get up and leave my things at my desk. Since we have specific studies on each subject, we don't need to go to tons of different classes for each subject everyday and can just stay in one specific class and have a new teacher each unit.

As I make it to the lunch line, I see the group of people I associate with and decide to walk over and talk with them. The lunch lines are made to separate boys from girls, but that seems to be a bit counterproductive for us gays, and can lead to discomfort and dysphoria for trans people. You'd think a school as modern as Yuuei would do something about that.

As I arrive at the group of boys, I come to the realization that they're talking about the newest female idol to top the charts, Chargebolt. I decide that I'm not in the mood to fake straight, and decide to listen to some music. I play one of my YouTube playlists on and put my earbuds in.

You like DnD, Audrey Hepburn, Fangoria, Harry Houdini, and croquet. You can't swim, you can't dance, and you don't know karate. Face it, you're never gonna make it.

I mouth along to the next lines.

I don't wanna make it, I just wanna-

I accidentally press onto a different song, and Neverland by Holland comes on. I like the song, but am not in the mood for it right now, so I said fuck YouTube, and went to Spotify. When I click on my playlist named EdGy, the first thing that I hear is "Watch this short video to get thirty minutes of uninterrupted listening." I just let it go because who am I to argue? My parents are able to pay for me going to Yuuei, but not able to pay for Spotify premium apparently, so I need to deal with advertisements.

Once the ad is done, Antithese by Cløwd comes on and I make my way up the lunch line. As I do, I trip over someone. This person being Kirishima Eijirou of class 1-A. Otherwise know as one of the people that most likely suffer from toxic masculinity.

"I'm sorry, I wasn't looking." I say, looking at the ground. I don't like him in a homosexual way, but he's intimidating.

"No problem. It wasn't very manly of me to be in your way, and you're the one who fell. Not me." He says while helping me up. Yep, definite toxic masculinity issues.

After I dust my pants off, Kirishima says, "You're in class 1-C, right?"

"Yea, why." I ask.

"What's your name, I'm Kirishima Eijirou." He replies as if I wouldn't know one of the only first year athletes at this school.

"Shinsou Hitoshi." I answer.

"Would you like to go to a party this Saturday at my house?" He asks, surprising me.

"Umm... Sure." I reply, because I have nothing better to do, and have never been to a party before that wasn't a grade school birthday party that everyone had to be invited to.

"Great man!" Kirishima says enthusiastically. "My address is XXXXXX in the yellow house. It starts at 6 and don't forget to wear something casual!" He tells me before going to his own table with the other sporty guys, while I go to the table with my not so friends.

"Hey dude, we still on for DnD Saturday?" One of the guys ask.

"No, I'm going to a party." I reply briskly.

"Kirishima's party?" One of them asks with obvious interest.

"Umm yea... Why?" I say with confusion and a little fear.

"DUDE, THAT'S ONE OF THE SPORTS GUYS' PARTY! THERE ARE GONNA BE TONS OF HOT CHICKS THERE!" He answers very loudly, making some of the tables turn towards us, with me ducking my head in return.

"You better look hot. I hear that all the cute chicks from class 1-A is gonna be there!" The last voice says, not bothering to hide his heterosexuality.

"I will look how I want." I reply as lunch ends. I go to throw away my trash and head back to the class. I spend the rest of the day learning psychology and deciding that I won't worry about the party right now. Since it's Wednesday, I'll have 2 whole days to figure out what I'm gonna wear.

Word Count: 1042