Two of Us // l.s

Good morning Harry Styles

Harrys POV

I woke up in a sweat. My heart racing and I was out of breath.

I looked the window, it was still dark. I glanced over at the alarm clock, 2:39 am it read. I closed my eyes and waited for my breathing to return to normal.

The feeling of shame and guilt washed over me like a blanket. My stomach churned and lower region throbbed. I peered under the sheets. My cheeks flushed red, not that I could see them. But I could feel it.

I was so relieved to hear the other boys fast asleep, and Zayn snoring loudly. I would have died of embarrassment if they had saw. It was not the fact that I had a boner. Me and the boys were close, I had even walked in on Niall masturbating a couple of times.

It was just the fact that I knew they would be curious about my dream, and that was something I could never tell them, especially not Louis.

***

My eyes opened slowly. This time to the bright early morning sun shining through the window. It was Sunday, and we had a day off. Normally this excited me, however sometimes it was just better to be stressed and working, it took my mind of my personal issues.

Lately I was feeling quite uncomfortable around the boys. Well, one boy in particular... No. I told myself. I can't let that happen. It would ruin the band.

Not that I would even be allowed to tell anyone how I felt. The worst part about lying is remembering your lies. It was like I had to keep a little list at the back of my head, so I wouldn't accidentally tell someone the truth.

I suddenly missed my Mum and Gemma a lot. I loved visiting them because I could be myself around them, not the person my management wanted me to be.

I remember when I first got the idea that I was be bisexual. I started going to the school consellour about it. She helped me figure out who I was, and how I would tell my family. I missed her too, she was so easy to talk too.

My Mum was very understanding and supportive when I came out. Gemma was weirded out at first, and didn't like my first boyfriend, but after a while she got used to it and accepted who I was. I can tell Gemma anything. She's like a best friend.

I wish I had someone to talk to while we were travelling. I wasn't allowed to see any therapists just incase they leaked my information. I just really wanted someone I could spill all my emotions to. I hated that all of this stuff was bottled up inside of me. I just wanted to let it go. A hot tear trickled down my cheek, and onto my lips. The salty taste was something too familiar.

There were some days that I wished that I wasn't even in the band. Its sounds horrible because I know so many people would give anything to be like me, and I didn't even want it. As much as I enjoyed being a part of One Direction, I hated feeling so lonely all the time. I hated feeling so fake. I hated feeling like I was letting people down, letting myself down.

The door creaked loudly and I spun around too see Louis, standing in front of me. He looked so beautiful even when his hair wasn't brushed, his eye bags very obvious, his lips a little dry. All these little things, and he was still perfect.

"Hey Haz, sorry if I woke you" he said in such a calm voice.

"Oh no, I was already awake" I admitted.

"Liam wants to go to the gym in about half an hour, a pretty sucky way to spend a day off if you ask me. But you know how he is, always wanting to make the most of everyday" said Louis rolling his eyes.

I chuckled. Louis always knew how to make me laugh, it was one of my favourite things about him.

"Yep. I know what he's like, one lie in wouldn't hurt anybody" I sighed.

"Yes, I agree." He said, also sighing as he sat down on the bed next to me.

"Louis you forgot to turn on the dishwasher last night, you better start washing these plates by hand!" called Liam.

"Well I ebetter go... see you in 30 minutes" he said awkwardly.

"Louis wait..." I said just as he was leaving.

"Yeah Haz?" he looked back to face me.

"Ummm...." I hesitated.

"Yeh?" he looked me straight in the eye. His eyes were so blue, as blue as his birthstone. December, blue topaz.

"Never mind" I whispered. I was such a coward, but I was doing the right thing.

"Ok" he said and then quickly left.

And I was left in the room yet again, alone.